Thanks for the dream analysis Bklyn. She does still depend on me for so much. I need to stop being there for her all the time. 99% of it is dealing with the boys, so I'm always afraid they'll be the ones punished. You know, she still eats supper with us every night. One I've prepared. I know you made nice meals for your family, so you probably understand how I feel.
FY, I have not set any boundaries. I'm not even sure what they would be at this point. I'm afraid being honest with the boys would hurt them and allow her to move farther away. Plus, I can't tolerate the mommy and daddy aren't in love anymore speech. I want her to own up to this mess, and not lay part of the blame on me. I'm still fighting like crazy, and still love their mother.
We are planning a vacation this summer as a family. She's pushing for it. I'm willing to go but am leaving it up to her to make the arrangements. She's not had the time to do that so far. Got lots of going out to do, you know. She has said it would possibly be a good time to reconcile and renew our marriage. Well, what are we waiting for???
Two other things I failed to mention about last night. W stated at one point that S6 had changed and didn't even look like himself, then commented that S9 is starting to get bigger and develop more muscle mass in his legs. I just laughed and said, "yeah, they're growing up." Too bad she's missing out on the best time of our/their lives for having family fun.
I'm just tired. Two boys by myself for days on end is a lot of work. Add that to missing my companion, the love of my life, my girl. But, I'll keep moving forward.
M - 42 W- 37 S's - 9,6 M-12 T-14 FIL- diagnosed with fatal disease spring 2011 ILYBNILWY - march '12 FIL - died jan '13 W Moved out week later
Boundaries would help you with that. They don't have to be sky high and flash with neon.
But it seems to me that you could use some space from W and some downtime for you. Are you doing anything for you? I know you do things ALL THE TIME with and for your kids and that is TERRIFIC!!!
But I think YOU need to recharge. What can you think of? Are there friends or family you could have an evening with?
Take care of yourself MtnMn, or soon you won't be able to take care of anyone else
Me 46 H 56 M 22 yrs S22, D20, Twin Ss18
You teach people how to treat you by what you allow. What you stop. And what you reinforce. ~~~~~~~ A lack of boundaries invites a lack of respect.
Thanks miz! I really don't have ideas for a recharge evening. All my family and friends are married with kids and spend time with them. Single friends/acquaintances do the bar scene, which, if I didn't before, I truly hate now. I'll keep working on a plan just for me. I have several work related trips coming up in the next month. That'll give me a chance to get away. Coworkers are good, solid people.
Thank you again for the advice.
M - 42 W- 37 S's - 9,6 M-12 T-14 FIL- diagnosed with fatal disease spring 2011 ILYBNILWY - march '12 FIL - died jan '13 W Moved out week later
I'm really struggling today. I'm sick of this! It's taking all I can do to not load up the boys and leave. Only reason I don't is because it would lessen the chances of staying together. I'm just tired of feeling like I'm being played. Being unappreciated by someone you care for is unbearable.
I hope I make it through supper tonight. Which reminds me, they're all waiting on yours truly to fix it. Angry......
M - 42 W- 37 S's - 9,6 M-12 T-14 FIL- diagnosed with fatal disease spring 2011 ILYBNILWY - march '12 FIL - died jan '13 W Moved out week later
Hey Mtnman... I hear ya.. totally struggling with it all today. I may have even backslid or at least I did a temp check and now am beating myself up. I agree, being rejected and unappreciated by someone you love is unbearable. Many tears out of me today. Im a wreck!
Please don't do anything stupid.
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
Thanks wfm. I won't do anything, just needed to vent. Called my rock and got it out while walking in the woods. We both laughed and he said he knew I wasn't going to do or say anything, but needed to get it out. He, of course, agreed that I'd be justified in doing it, but that it would give W the high road.
I'll be cool. Any noticeable anger on my part can easily be blamed on work. I really appreciate your concern!
You keep fighting too! We'll get through this.
M - 42 W- 37 S's - 9,6 M-12 T-14 FIL- diagnosed with fatal disease spring 2011 ILYBNILWY - march '12 FIL - died jan '13 W Moved out week later
but I screwed up today.... I am so angry at myself. I can't seem to make progress for longer than a couple weeks. GRRRRRR! I just keep picking and picking at it.
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
I've screwed up plenty of times. What I I remind myself is this: if my spouse wasn't screwing things up so bad and trying to destroy our family, I wouldn't even be able to make a mistake while I'm trying to make things better. So the fact that you took a step back is still, at its root, due to the spouse.
When coaching sports, I always tell my teams that I can live with mistakes while giving effort and acting with good intentions. I know everyone on this board is doing that, including you. Dust yourself off and get ready for the next play. The other team (our spouses) won't stop playing while we're focusing on the last one.
M - 42 W- 37 S's - 9,6 M-12 T-14 FIL- diagnosed with fatal disease spring 2011 ILYBNILWY - march '12 FIL - died jan '13 W Moved out week later
Thanks for the chin up... I really really really need it. Has your W given you any hope? What screw ups have you done?
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
The last one is the last play. We/I can beat myself up for things I've said and done and, at least in my case, W is so focused on her that it doesn't even register a day later.
My screw ups, oh gosh, get your pencil sharp. Crying, begging, bartering, trying to buy her love, snooping, trying to make her jealous, getting angry and telling her all her mlc symptoms, telling her ill wait for her no matter how many dudes she sleeps with, etc. You tell me what you did and ill match or beat it. Most of us have. This is not easy.
M - 42 W- 37 S's - 9,6 M-12 T-14 FIL- diagnosed with fatal disease spring 2011 ILYBNILWY - march '12 FIL - died jan '13 W Moved out week later
