At the prompting of 25yearsmlc, I am going to start changing my focus to me. With this new thread, I will talk about the new me, the changes I am making and what I am doing to GAL.
While I may still occasionally mention what is going on in my marriage, I won't spend my every waking hour talking about what my wife is or isn't doing. In this way, I hope to bring some direction, clarity and stability into my life... with or without her.
Thanks for stopping by. And thank you, vets, for your encouragement, and words of advice.
~cheers P2~... sounds very positive... I will follow your lead & try to do the same. YOU are an inspiration!! TX!!
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
OK. Here's the deal. I have been spending all of my extra income on doing home improvements. Either I would end up swinging hammers myself, or I would hire out the jobs. If I did it myself, it was very time consuming. Hire out the work and it really dents the wallet. My efforts were driven by two things... a desire to show love to my wife and children and my personal need to have everything "perfect". I think mostly the latter. This has been a bone of contention that my wife has with me. It is also something that is coming to an end RIGHT NOW.
So, this is a 180 for me:
Stop trying to make everything "perfect" at our home. This gives me free time to spend with my girls (and my wife if she chooses), and my friends. It also frees up resources to DO ACTIVITIES and EXPERIENCE LIFE instead of ACQUIRE, FIX, and MAINTAIN THINGS. Remember the commercial where the guy on the lawn mower is asking to be rescued from trying to live the perfect, wrinkle free life? He has everything perfect, but is in debt over his head. I was that guy, but (thankfully) without his debt.
My wife has cried out for years for me to stop spending large sums to have things perfect. Not only do I hear her, I now am listening to her. The cool thing about this is now I don't have that weight on my shoulders to carry.
Now that I have more time and money, what do I do with it?
Here is my 1st GAL:
I am in the process of obtaining my boater's certificate so I can rent power boats this summer any time I want. Note that I said RENT! I will take our girls boating and they can learn how to water ski and go tubing, too. Family time! But this is just a start...
The REALLY cool thing that I am going to do is learn to sail! This one is FOR ME!!
I am REALLY excited about this. I came up with this for a number of reasons. First, it's awesome! Next, it fits really well with my current career and utilizes the knowledge I use everyday on my job. I understand navigation and meteorology and that will be put to use in sailing. I like the outdoors and like to travel. It is also something I can do on my own if I choose and it will be a great tool to help clear my head.
Other reasons for choosing sailing is that it is something we can do as a family. It also will be a great way to meet new people and make new friends. Lastly, I know my wife loves sailing. If she chooses to stay with me, it is something we can do together.
I have been looking at what I want to do with myself and where I am going. Both literally and figuratively. After I retire, I can easily see myself owning a sailboat and chartering it out for an income source. I could live on a boat. I could travel the world or I can travel the caribbean. The world is the limit.
Thanks for the compliment. I deal with much of what I think you struggle with. If I have said anything that helps, it's only because I have had the same fears as you.
I remind myself often that I WILL BE FINE no matter what happens in life. Not only can we survive, but we can THRIVE! It's up to US!
I hope things are going well for you today. Keep your chin up!
I am in the process of obtaining my boater's certificate so I can rent power boats this summer any time I want. Note that I said RENT! I will take our girls boating and they can learn how to water ski and go tubing, too. Family time! But this is just a start...
The REALLY cool thing that I am going to do is learn to sail! This one is FOR ME!!
I am REALLY excited about this. I came up with this for a number of reasons. First, it's awesome! Next, it fits really well with my current career and utilizes the knowledge I use everyday on my job. I understand navigation and meteorology and that will be put to use in sailing. I like the outdoors and like to travel. It is also something I can do on my own if I choose and it will be a great tool to help clear my head.
Other reasons for choosing sailing is that it is something we can do as a family. It also will be a great way to meet new people and make new friends. Lastly, I know my wife loves sailing. If she chooses to stay with me, it is something we can do together.
I am changing course!
PF, I think this is great. I have been sailing for many years and enjoy it greatly. What I recently added to sailing was racing. I am part of the crew of a boat that races every Wed night from Spring to Fall. If you get into sailing, I suggest visiting the local clubs, etc. to find out about racing. The advantage of racing is you'll be with others who have a shared interest, it builds camaraderie, and you'll make friends. Good luck.
Thanks for the words of encouragement! The club I am going to enroll at is located in Boston. They are into racing too, and as I understand it, they do quite well.
I was thinking the same thing... learn something new, grow, and make new friends. They have racing, cookouts, parties and you can sign up to volunteer as a crew member for boats needing an extra helping hand.
What boats are you piloting and where are you guys sailing?
P2, Great goals. I think what helped me to surrender was not only knowing I would be ok (looking towards the future) but seeing how long I'd been on my own and I was doing just fine.
It also helped to know that tomorrow would be the same as today as long as I continued to work on maintaining my serenity.
Good luck to you ;-)
M 42 H 39 T10 (-2yrs separation) S8 D5 DD 7/30/11 (EA&PA) Reconciled 6/2013 Separation in works 1/2017
Get home from my travels tomorrow night. The very next morning, I am headed to Boston to meet the people and check out the school facilities and their boats. I talked with them today and they told me that they have a few boats there, but since we are not quite up to the spring sailing season, they don't have all the boats in the water yet. Sounds like I have timed this perfectly. I should be able to look around, get all my questions answered and have the whole summer sailing season ahead of me to enjoy once I get started on this journey. Things are looking good!
When your spouse finds out what you are up to in GAL, have you encountered them saying, "I want to do that!"? My wife told me that when I told her what I was up to.
I scheduled my meeting with the sailing center and there's no way my wife is coming along because she's got an appointment. It will be just me this time. If she's interested in taking this up with me, she will have to voice to me her desire for it. Don't really think she will.
I talked with my wife today. I was just checking in, seeing how things were going. Not well. Bunch of crap we all deal with. One of those days when nothing seems to be going right. Cancelled appointments and wasted time and gas. Shuttling kids. Prepping meals. I tried to show myself as supportive and understanding as I could. Validated her frustration. Listened. I'm always at a loss as to what I should say.
Texted her a pic of where I was today, asking her if she recognized where we were and if would be interested in coming out here for a vacation sometime. She replied that she recognized where I was. No response to the question.
Computer was giving her fits and I tried to come up with possible fixes over the phone. Problem is when I am out of town like this, EVERYTHING falls in her lap to take care of.
My last communication with her was via text for her to read at her leisure instead of just adding to the pressure with another phone call. She always avoids talking to me unless she absolutely must anyways. I told her I was sorry her day wasn't going well and that I wasn't home to help with the kids and all of the other things she's dealing with. I told her I wished I could be there for her instead of being stuck in a hotel clear across the country.
Next, it fits really well with my current career and utilizes the knowledge I use everyday on my job. I understand navigation and meteorology and that will be put to use in sailing. I like the outdoors and like to travel. It is also something I can do on my own if I choose and it will be a great tool to help clear my head.