glad to hear your "voice" and miss ya. you sound good too- aint we a couple swell and "evolving" babes? i hope it stays.
thanks for the good words about mom, etc. & nj. it is a thorn- i guess i'm going tho- like it or not. half of me wants to run- half of me (the usual old guy inthere - little voice) says stay put and DEAL WITH YOUR ISSUES - going somewhere else will only bring the same old problems with you til you 'CONQUER?: " THEM?
have i been reading too much inspitational literature or do i believe it? i've thought of moving away- trouble is I AM a pack animal - i want a "pack" - i miss feeling like part of a famly- that's part of my moaning on about the fact of no kids- but lets face it= i was half of that decison at least - maye all- soooooo nothing to do but do it. water under that particular bridge.
anyway- again - i know you 're rite- i'll try and keep neutral and heading out with mom. it's hard- i know she doesn't talk k to another living soul from day to day if not me- i tend to listen (or try) and let her run herself out- jsut so she feels like she's "being heard" in life. GEEEEz - i'm trying harder and succeeding a bit more on just keeping my trap shut- if i could rmember to be intrested and occupied on my end of the phone- i can manage it- or maybe get some project going like crochet that i can do while i'm vi8sitng- or kee busy with laundry or tidying up or something- anything-
i hear ya.
i still dread it - even if i know it's doable and i'll mange somehow not to explode- it sure feels like it sometimes.
i don't wantto give in to this anger and hostility i'm feeling- i'm sure that in this mess of my life (worst time i've ever had really- i know i should be grateful for that alone- HOWEVER - STILL, I'M A BIT damaged here and wouldn't mi d a kind and understanding famly- not happening- i get it. have one sister that's been a rock- so i'm going with it.
the youngest one- i'm still avoiding her til i can be rational and not mad MAD -
OH WELL- heading to nj tomorrow morning- f uriously packing away- maybe if i can rush and get it done i can still pick up baby and play one more time. we painted eggs yesterday- poor little thing- she's good and was working like mad to be careful- but every real blown egg she tried to paint broke- too rough even when trying hard. she finally settled down to paint rocks for our gardens- did great and loved it. more at the rock age than fragile egg !
i don't know- im pretty over it all myself- don't want to be- but can't put up any fight any more and sometimes just feel over it all.
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I'm done with him because of his insistence about ea and his lack of character, respect and commitment to be a family member.
me too- bottom line always ends up her- his not stopping- me feeling like it's always betweeen us - and of course, he cannot just be himself with me because of her. it's true- sad sad man- can't even see it.
oh well huh??? interesting to see if 'm lonly and blue in nj or getting better at that too? i sure hope so- i'm tired of feeling bad and tired of not having some fun with someone that enjoys my company (women friends aside). wonder what exactly life will present me with???
i'm thinking something is going on in my life with holidays this year- my mom to hospital on new year morning- gil's dad dying on st. patrick's day- i almost dread easter- what in the world could be in store for that???
i know- superstitous aren't I? have on my cross, hand of God and evil eye deterrent- not taking chances today.
i don't know- i wanted to say hi- i'm pretty disgusted sometimes too- it's sad isn't it when you realize that's what you feel, just disgust f9r the lack of mature intelligent behaviour you USED TO think this h possessed? sad for my delusional opinion of the person he was - and really apparently lost a long time go.
oh well- the job should hopefully take form (substitute) for want of somethin better- thinking of volunteering free at a cousin's law firm to get feet wet- will see about substitute first. need to get off my mark and get moving forward (whereever that is)
gonna pack like mad- glad you're sounding good - sory we both feel what we do about these boneheads - oh well- you can lead a horse to water but can't make him drink. they are losing the best things they had in their lives - i stil feel firmly convinced. if it goes totally away because of their stupidity- we can't save them from that either- love and caring aside. it's like the darn alcoholixm- if they don't want to kick the behavior that's killing them- how could we possibly do it for them?
take heart- flowers soon allover the yard - easter (new beginning) for us all ??!! lets hope- maybe we can capture the feeling. you and a new tiny baby- yay an d yay- what pleasue you'll gt from that. me=- i don't know- something i'm sure that i can't imagine now.
both of us off the floor and out of the pain and grief fog- capturing the magic of the US left standing- getting her back- who the heck knows what this year will hold?
i'm outta here- i'm good newsing myself to death here and getting quite sickening huh? maybe it's all that sleep i managed to get last nite- we love pma!! i figure if i say it enough times i'll begin t6o believe it- who knows- maybe i can move mountains and sway fate? with it too...
