How come they don't have any consequences for their actions?
It's pretty common for the LBS to feel like they're doing all the suffering while the WAS is living a perfectly happy and carefree life, and therefore it's not "fair". But the truth is the WAS is suffering and in pain even if they're not showing it on the outside. They're going through a lot of turmoil, asking themselves if they're really doing the right thing, seeing the pain they're visiting on their kids and family, etc. You may see denial on the outside, but inside they know what they're doing and they're hurting over it. The LBS feels inclined to react to this with anger and frustration, but actually the right thing to do is meet it with compassion and love. THAT is what paves the way home for the WAS.
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* my hairdresser gave me a new hairstyle. It looks great! She is a widow of two years. Tells me today that she is engaged and will be married in 6 months. It gives me great hope there is someone out there for me.
* signed up for LA Kickboxing. I beat the crap out the punching bag. Ended up with bruised knuckles. Owner of the gym said, "Dang girl, you got some anger in you." Got myself some new boxing gloves. It felt so good. This is something that is my own.
* Met with a old co-worker. We caught up on life. Laughed, cried, encouraged each other.
* Attended my first "puppy" shower. I can check it off my bucket list. The guest of honor(divorced for 14 years, no kids), adopted a puppy. So her girlfriends gave her a puppy shower. Then had a pleasant nightcap with my girlfriend at our favorite swanky restaurant(it helps when the owner likes you ;))
FANTASTIC GAL activities!! Keep it up! There are a LOT of people around here that would do well to follow your example!
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I am going to lose my home!! Panic Panic.
It's natural to feel that way, but your panic is based simply on fear of the unknown. Just try to keep telling yourself that everything WILL work out!
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I abused her, her sisters and her FATHER. How did I abuse her? I spanked here bottom with a spoon.
Unfortunately that's the world we live in now. What used to be viewed as necessary discipline is now being touted as "abuse". Just to get on my soapbox for a moment, you would be amazed at how many of these do-gooders calling this "abuse" do in fact have no children of their own. There's nothing like actually raising kids to drive home to a person the importance of a spanking now and then!
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Is this the excruciating pain people go through when they find out they lost a loved one?
For me that was a lot easier to go through than this. When someone dies you grieve a while and then move on. But when you get hit with BD, it's a lot harder to move on because you're stuck in limbo, not knowing what to do. That's the value of DB, it helps you to move on in a way that might ALSO save the M.
There are a LOT of people around here that would do well to follow your example!