Where do I go now?

[Psych77]

Cadet -

You got it. I moved out of the MBR because W and the baby sleep there now. Can't exactly ask them to sleep in the basement, now can I?

I don't know if she has postpartum depression. I don't even get that close to her, that I would be able to tell. She doesn't want me that close to her.

I've thought she might be afraid of getting pg again, but at this point we are way past just not ML...we aren't talking, and she doesn't want to try to talk.

We're not actually D, nor has W suggested it. Like I said, the kids are really attached to me, and both they and W need my income, which wouldn't support both them and a separate apartment for me. Besides, because of our faith, neither one of us would consider dating again. We both believe that marriage is a lifetime commitment.

It's really uncomfortable, and I am just trying to cope with making my life work in this situation - trying not to be miserable all the time, finding some way to be happy, which I am sure will make me more pleasant to be around for everybody, including myself.

I don't look forward to coming home anymore, and I hardly eat anything at dinner when the family is seated all together. I feel too self-conscious and anxious. I read to my younger kids every night, something which they anticipate eagerly, and which is my closest human contact for the whole day, so it is a high point for me, too. After that, twice a week I prepare a meal for the next day (W has the baby, so it seems right to do something to help out), but all I really look forward to from that point on is going to sleep. I've gotten used to sleeping alone, and even have learned to enjoy the privacy. But sometimes I just feel like I'm hiding...trying not to be a problem in a house where the other adult seems to wish I weren't there.

I'm seeing a therapist for depression, and my antidepressant has just been increased. We'll see what that does for me.

Well, I just got off on a long tangent, didn't I? Listen, thanks a lot for replying to me. It means a whole lot to know that someone is listening, even if it's just in type.