Help! Patience is tough

[jaytee35]

Wife filed for divorce on feb 20! I moved out on March 1st. Wife is very closed. Like many others I have tried everything from begging, pleading, crying and promising change. Nothing has worked then I discovered the divorce remedy. I am implementing the last resort technique. Has anyone had success with this. It's only been one week of no contact and I am loosing my mind. I love my wife more than anything and think about her all day everyday!! How long should I wait to contact her??? Or do I not contact her at all and wait for her to contact me? Any help is appreciated! She filed for divorce because she said I was disrespectful and unappreciative. She also had a tough time being a step mom to my son from a previous. She has turned the whole family against me and is very stubborn. Please help me break through!!!

H 33
W 32
M 5 months
S 2 months

[Cadet]

Welcome to the board

Get out and GAL.

DETACH.

Believe none of what she says and half of what she does.
Have NO EXPECTATIONS.
Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.

You are on moderation right now on the forum.
SO post in small frequent posts until you get off of it.

Your W is giving you a GIFT.
THE GIFT OF TIME.

USE it wisely.

Knowledge is Power - Francis Bacon

Keep Posting but have patience for your posts to show up

[sayitaintso]

Hey Jay- Welcome to the best place to be in a s*itty situation.

This will most likely be the most difficult time in your life but also has the chance to be the most rewarding. And that is regardless if you and your wife patch things up or not.

You gave some reasons why your wife filed for D, do you agree with those?

Can you elaborate more for us?

Have you set any expectations in your mind as far as a time line for this to be resolved in one way or another? This most likely will be a long road so buckle up.

Do yourself a favor and read other peoples sitch's on here. You will make some great friends and also gain new perspectives.

You are far from alone in this Jay.

Best of Luck

[jaytee35]

Hey Jay- Welcome to the best place to be in a s*itty situation.

This will most likely be the most difficult time in your life but also has the chance to be the most rewarding. And that is regardless if you and your wife patch things up or not.

You gave some reasons why your wife filed for D, do you agree with those?

Can you elaborate more for us?

Have you set any expectations in your mind as far as a time line for this to be resolved in one way or another? This most likely will be a long road so buckle up.

Do yourself a favor and read other peoples sitch's on here. You will make some great friends and also gain new perspectives.

You are far from alone in this Jay.

Best of Luck

[jaytee35]

Hi Cadet and sayitisntso,

Thank you for the support and inspiration. I am trying to do my best detaching and GAL. Very tough but I am doing a pretty good job not contacting her. I just think about her all day everyday!!

In my post earlier I spoke about reasons my wife wants a divorce and I do agree that I got comfortable and begin not to appreciate and also began to get disrespectful during arguements, However, I do feel like divorce is extreme. She would not consider marriage counseling so I decided to go by myself to work on my own issues.

To give a little more information about our sitch.....

We married 10/13/12, went on our honeymoon in Decemeber and got back 12/23/12. Since we have been married we literally have got in 3 arguements that would be considered big arguements. 1/12/13 was our last arguement that has resulted in this. She filed for the D 2/13/13 and I moved out 3/1/13. We are seperated now with very little contact. She has blocked me from texting her and calling her. The only way I would be able to contact her is through email. I have began implementing the 180's and the last resort technique but how will she ever know or see a change if we are in contact so little? I fear because of this and the fact that the divorce proceedings are in progress I will not have much time to DB!! How long should I go before I contact her if she doesnt contact me? SHould I ask her to get together?? Very confused and just love my wife too much to let her go.

I would like to see some progress using the last resort technique within 3 weeks time. And I would love for her to put a hold on the divorce proceedings and try marriage counseling before the finalization of the D.

I will read some other sitch"s on here! Thank you

H 33
W 32
M 5 months
S 2 months

[jaytee35]

So I have been out GAL and doing my best to detach. My wife is still extremely bitter. I went 27 days with no contact and then decided to contact just to see how she was doing. She immediately got bitter and basically told me she wants absolutely no contact with me whatsoever because she is upset with the divorce proceedings and what I am contesting.

I have decided to only contact her if absolutely necessary and use the 48 hour rule if she just so happens to contact me. I am starting to feel defeated. It has been 3 months of arguing and 2 months since the big D. I know everyone says this is a marathon but I just feel like I am getting absolutely no where with my techniques.

Is anyone else dealing with a bitter, stubborn, wife who is set on divorce! And eliminating you from thier life completely.
Miss her and just want so badly to contact her!

Please help!

[Cadet]

Is anyone else dealing with a bitter, stubborn, wife who is set on divorce! And eliminating you from thier life completely.

Mostly everyone here.

You must detach and let go.
By contacting her you just proved to her that you are not letting go.

She will not come back while you are still holding on.

[hotwheelsaust]

Yep, fully agree with Cadet. My W has eliminated me from her life, probably the only way she can deal with the situation. I prefer to deal with the situation by learning to become a better person and changing myself for the better.

[jaytee35]

I understand what you guys are saying. I just can't seem to get her out of my head with hope no matter what I do to GAL. She is on my mind constantly. Thank you for the support.

I too am trying to come to grips with the fact that it is her decision and I have to accept it and move on.

I pray everyday she hanges her mind and am leaving it in gods hands with the understanding if we were meant to be then she will be back someday. I hope I am going about this the right way.

LRT going dark is now in full affect.

If anyone has anymore suggestions how to detach while LRT I am open to any and all suggestions.

[JRG]

I just can't seem to get her out of my head with hope no matter what I do to GAL. She is on my mind constantly.

I too am trying to come to grips with the fact that it is her decision and I have to accept it and move on.

This is a common struggle. I deal with it every day too, every hour. I try to stay busy with things but still end up thinking about my wife.

I wish I could tell you how to help detach, but I can't figure it out either.