Grace, Love, Compassion & Faith - Huge Impact

[adinva]

I wonder if I'm remembering correctly, didn't you run into her on chance recently and end up saying things you regretted?

You have reached such a place of peace and forgiveness in your journaling, but in the moment under pressure and faced with the unpredictable input of her in person and whatever triggers occur in that moment, will you have trouble handling it? Will it be healing and productive for you anyway?

I think sometimes about how I would be if a terrible accident had taken my husband, I know weird just stay with me... I would have all kinds of awful things to think, say, and do, and it would not be dignified, and it would not be permanent; eventually I would settle in to a way of being that honored him and honored me. JackieO... was so restrained and dignified so soon after being devastated and I've wondered how on earth she didn't slip up and be humanly horrible on the public stage she had no choice but to be on. I think I would need to disappear for a good long while until I could be presentable.

This stuff is also like grieving a death. You have ups and downs, you handle it well sometimes and not so well sometimes, until eventually enough time goes by and the wounds heal enough that you can be calm and dignified and just how you are. No longer slipping up and feeling horrible.

It may be too soon to spend time with her and not be triggered or reactive or say something uncontrolled, as even and consistent as you sound here now. And that's probably ok - everything doesn't have to be scripted and perfect. You can just go and see how it goes, but be as forgiving of yourself no matter how you end up handling it, as you are of others.