DBing, European style

[Papa4Life]

Oh yeah, one more thing, as I've mentioned, I've been doing my best to build up my PMA through socializing a LOT more, spending more time with kids, and just genegally being more upbeat and cheerful. I guess you could say that I'm trying to "fake it til I make it." I even old W and MC that I'm feeling more positive, and that was moments after W had told me she wanted a D last Friday. What I meant was that I feel like I'm ready to move on with my life with or without W (obviously preferably 'WITH' W). I mentioned that again last night and she said something like "Well, that makes one of us." I wonder what she meant by that. I of course validated her feelings immediately without bringing up the fact that I wanted to stay together and work on our M. Still, I can't help but wonder whether this means that she has doubts about wanting a D, or if she is just focusing on the inevitability of breaking up and how hard it will be on us all.

W also knows I've been talking to my mom back in the States and she asked yesterday what she had to say. TBH, my mom has a lot of anger towards her right now. The first time I spoke with her about W wanting D, I was distraught and I blamed myself for everything that had gone wrong. As time went on, W expressed an interest in speaking with my mom and hearing what she has to say about the sitch. My aunt (who is actually the ex wife of my late uncle and who is more of a great friend than an aunt) also sent an e-mail to W describing the pain and misery of D for kids and parents alike, but W felt ill at ease talking with her, which is ironic, considering that W has probably spent more time with aunt than Mom, and she's the godmother of our S. At any rate, when W asked what Mom had said, I told her honestly that she knows hw harmful D is and how she "wouldn't wish being a single parent with four kids on my worst enemy". She speaks from experience: she had four kids and struggled for years trying to provide for us. But I stopped short of telling her that Mom refused to speak to her because she has "nothing to stay to her right now." It's the anger talking and I can't think what purpose it would serve anyway.