Am I kidding myself.

[job]

I would leave things alone and allow God to work on her for a bit.

Hiring a PI is very expensive and even then, you may not find out as much as you would like or what you find out could very well be painful to you. Sometimes it is best to allow nature to take its course and allow the affair to die a slow, natural death and not interfere in the process.

Keep the focus on you. BTW, you are not weak by any means...

[Raine]

I forced the end of the affair and that lasted two months, before H jumped back in with OW. In normal situations, the discovering of an A is the beginning of the end. But in MLC it seems to add fuel to the fire. I'm letting it go and hoping it will die out on it's own. I feel like if I make an acknowledgement of it now, it is still going to continue anyway, or stop for a few months and then pick back up again. I feel like I'm just delaying the process. H has to see for himself that such a life with such a person is not going to make him happy.

[Hopefull2]

Snodderly/Hopper, thank you for your comments.

Snodderly, I can't tell you how much I appreciate all your inputs to so many on this board. I am a believer that God takes us down paths for a reason (Moses, Joseph...) and I appreciate you taking what you have learned along your painful journey and sharing your wisdom. Thank you

My last post was a bit driven by the fact that i am getting ready to leave the state/country for an extended period and was being insecure at where I stand with W. Like i said i have reason to believe that her contact with OM has diminished if not stopped. I should just ask him, i see him when i go to our social gatherings... NOT. I will take the advice and continue to focus on me and those things that i do have control over.

Hopper;
"H has to see for himself that such a life with such a person is not going to make him happy."

I need to continue to remind myself this. My prayer is that she will see that her unhappiness cannot be all attributed to our M. She has to find her happiness within.

[job]

Travel safely and know that God is watching over her and is working on her 24/7.

Maybe being out of the area for an extended period of time will help her to realize that you nor the marriage were the problem and that happiness does come from within.

Take care.

[Hopefull2]

Interesting end to a very emotionally challenging week at home. I was able to spend sat night with my W and two grandsons. A lot of small talk, job situations, talk about the kids, some laughing and no relationship discussion. Earlier in the week I commented on the nice shoes W had bought for her work, she had mentioned a month ago that she had spent more than she should have and bought herself some comfortable dress shoes. She joked to me and asked if I wanted to buy her a pair in brown. Note to self!! I bought her a brown pair and put them in a nice Valentines bag with a single red rose and baby's breath. Before heading to the airport I stopped by Wifes place and gave her the gift. This truly is somewhat of a 180 for me in comparison to the H that took W for granted for so many years and neglected making Her feel special. We talked over a cup of coffee for about an hour before I had to go. After several hugs I said why not and asked for a goodbye kiss. She accommodated with a warm kiss goodbye. She texted me later thanking me for the shoes and the rose. Some back and forth texting followed. After my flight I turned on the phone to a text MSG that was very encouraging. She encouraged me that I would be fine with my move and to remember there is always light at the end of the tunnel. And said who knows maybe someday she would come visit to see what it's like in my new state. She thanked me for our conversations and said there would be many more.

I know keep the expectations low. This is my marathon.... One step at a time... Be the man that she will regret losing. Note to self, whether it is with her or some other beautiful woman, make her feel special and appreciated.... Often

[reachingHigher]

Note to self....make her feel special and appreciated.... Often

You did this! This was awesome! You were in tune with her and danced the steps in sync with how she was feeling! Maybe like it was for you two at the beginning?

I find this incredibly romantic! And perfect for valentines day!

And it makes me think like it was for all of us when we were just dating our spouses. We really didn't know how it would turn out. We really didn't know if we would marry the person we were falling in love with. And none of us here know how our sitches will end.

I say, keep up the good work. Keep down the expectations but keep up the mystery about you and the romance; it appears she put out little hints and you took them. That can be a permanent (and fun!) 180 for you.



rH

[Hopefull2]

Keeping on, one day at a time.... Trying, in what little free time I have, to figure out what "living life" means for me.

Have continued to have periodic contact with Wife either by text or phone.  Pretty well split on who initiates contact.  She casually mentioned that she had contacted OM about some medical issue and that it had been months since she had talked to him.  This fits with what I have suspected.  I was not  bothered by her contacting him but rather pleased that it appears she is ending her emotional attachment to him.  When I started this thread I never thought that would happen.   I also wonder what happened but does it really matter, definitely not right now.

So where do I go from here?  Do what works, what brings about the results i am hoping for.  I know i need to continue to give her the time and space to find herself and heal.   Work on our communication through emails, begin to address some of our issues?  This seemed to help back in July when I would initiate some level of discussion. To try and draw out a bit of what she was feeling.  I get so torn with doing so verses what feels like doing nothing but work on myself....  Snodderly, i hear you already "let go and let God".

Keeping all on this site in my thoughts and prayers, "be the better person"

[reachingHigher]

Hi Hopeful!

This sounds really positive! She is initiating contact with you and has ended the EA to OM.

It's so hard to know what works sometimes. It sounds like what you are doing is working.

I went back and reviewed some basics today: 37 rules, piecing rules, advice I had copied from newcomers' forum. Putting it all together and applying it to the "here and now" for me, seems to help.

And slowly....slowly...slowly.

I like the "be the better person" and like MWD says, don't forget to add humor!
Wishing you the best,
Keep on updating,
rH

[Hopefull2]

Hi friends, it has been a while... I am back from three months overseas and life has not stopped since I have made it back.

I had very limited contact with W while gone but all contact was positive. I really am trying to live by the mantra that I want her to feel positive about each contact we have. I try my best at PMA and to put this to reality with the life that I have to live.

Prior to returning I did apply some "pressure", gentle persuation as you will to get her to go out with me for her birthday. I was only going to be in town for a few days and wanted to make the best of it. She never said yes and was sending the message loud and clear that she was not sure where we are at or where we are going, but went anyway and thanked me afterwards. Was a nice night, saw a play which I knew she would enjoy going to (she has only been a couple of times but has enjoyed them each time). I treated her with respect and caring and was able to get a goodnight kiss before leaving, ok I tried for a second but was denied, I deserved that.... She emailed me the next day thanking me for a good night out. Before flying out I bought her a card and a flower arrangement and left them on her back porch. She again thanked me and said they were nice.
More to catch up with but enough for tonight. I am trying a few things to open more communication so we will see how receptive she is....

Still Hopeful but there are days I wonder....

Prayers still for all those who are hurting, hang in, be strong

[reachingHigher]

Hi Hopeful!

Welcome back!

I had often thought of you and wondered how things were going!

I wonder how W's feelings have or have not changed during the time you have been gone. The contact you have had sounds positive, and it sounds like you haven't overdone it.

Let us know more details, as you can.

Wishing you the best,
rH