"The Power of a Positive No" book is very interesting, as it builds on mutual respect. In the context of the house renovation, for instance,
it validates (the first Yes) my W's concerns:
o "i understand your concern about wanting a house that can be sold and I would also like to see how great it can look when it is finally finished" (her concerns are validated)
o "but the realtor told us that it will not pay for itself and that with the location it has, can be sold in any case, so I don't want to pay for renovation" (the No)
o "let's work on other ways to increase the value. There is more paint scraping that I could do for instance, on the doors, if you then could paint them. I could re-oil the deck, etc. and so we both don't lose money by renovating but still increase curb appeal".
It also made me realize that I had not respected my wife - the most basic thing I need to do! - by not listening, taking up her feelings, and responding. Empathy for her situation (she is a teacher, but without the degree for it, and so could be let go if someone with a degree comes along) might well be worth showing - she must be worried - by my asking about what she thinks will happen in the fall.
I can recommend "The Power of a Positive No" book. It is available on Kindle for those so inclined.
Luke
M58, xW54 S22, D18 M 1984, D 2016 Living a new life.
