I hope I never stop changing, yes it's sometimes painful but in my IC appt today we talked about how far I've come in 3 years, from being so depressed there were days I barely got out of bed and while I didn't plan suicide,many times I thought death at least would make the pain go away.

I didn't think I could ever change.

But now here I am today, happy, excited about my future, feeling all my emotions but not being controlled by them.

And I look forward to more change.

I don't know that H will ever change, but that's OK, his life, his choices. (right, Ruby?) He's one of the best men I will ever meet, emotionally closed down, yeah but still a very good, decent person.

I will be OK, no better than OK, no matter what my future holds.

I really believe that.

Me 57/H 58
M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13

Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do.
I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering.
Caroline Myss