Hello From Tokyo! Husband has issues....

[MrBond]

As hard as it is, you have to try and not to take it personally. We've all been there so we know how it is. That's why you need to detach all emotions from him. When he acts erratic, see him as a temporary crazy person that needs to be pitied rather than paid attention to.

If he goes overboard, hold up your hand and tell him that you understand that he is going through changes, HOWEVER, you will not be spoken to in that manner. Set that boundary.

"Yes I did ask him why, he gave me a long list of things but then a few days latter changed his reasons. I dont feel like I can tell him all that is on my mind because I dont think his self esteem can take it."

Take out all the nonsense reasons and write down the ones that seem the most truthful and change them.

"As for Resentment, yes I am very angry and hurt, all day long I think about what he said and I wonder, how can anyone in their right mind say that to their spouse? Even with depression, C says its an illness and not an excuse. (H has used it as an excuse at times)"

Then you do what I described above and lay that boundary.

"I have told him that I am hurt by what he said but his reply "well thats how i feel, im being honest with my feelings"

Then tell him that you appreciate him being honest, but don't appreciate the way he expresses it towards you. That if he's depressed, you're there for support but will not be his punching bag. Then if he says you should leave, say 'ok' and move to the next room as if nothing was wrong.

"He is more cheerful, has been out to see friends, talks to his family on the phone (not about us) and I am doing the same. One thing though is he overly critiques everything I do to an obsessive level. This is recent, he never did it before. Like if I fold laundry the wrong way (even though he never washes clothes) or if I dont do the dishes right, if i leave a drawer open on accident, is he just trying to yank my chain?"

WAS's do that all the time. They 'feel' something's not right, so instead of handling things in a healthy way, they look to see what's the closest to them that might be "causing" their confusion - their spouse. Detach and set up boundaries when he goes overboard so you are no longer a target.

I know it's hard and it will require alot of patience. But it can be salvaged.