Less lonely, not scared..low on patience

[reachingHigher]

Someone on the boards has a standard response to folks who hear from WAS wanting to "work on the marriage". It's about really committing, transparency, stuff like that. I don't know if it is AS or Snod or who, but I'm looking for it. I don't think we are anywhere near that, but I want to review it.

J, I saw something like you described from Starsky in the Piecing forum. I looked at it and some of the comments about it. It looked like an ideal, but in some sitches maybe shouldn't be pushed too early.

In my own sitch, I noticed although I WANT more transparency and commitment, that is coming along slowly after H deciding timidly to delay the D. I can't push him into more than he is ready for. I have to take the tiny bits as I get them.

Last week in MC (our fourth session) the C asked about me not having the password to our checking account and how do I feel about it. H answered for me and said I had been bitter about that but he was willing to give the password to me now as he didn't have anything to hide any more. I said I didn't need to have it right now (thus showing trust in him) but when I start working in the fall would probably ask for that.

Someone else may handle it differently but that's how it has been looking in my sitch. I want the full transparency, full commitment eventually, but don't want to force H into it. I want it out of a willing and loving heart -- b/c he thinks I'm worth it. Not b/c I have to have it.

Just my thoughts on the subject.

It's hard to have your spouse spewing so much at you. In "happy again"'s threads on this forum, he said when he got that way with his W she told him kindly she would have to talk to him at another time and he respected her for that.

I think concentrating on yourself, GAL, involvement with your kids, as you have been doing, will show her what she's been missing. She'll come along at her pace as/when she is ready.