So tell me AS, how did you handle it when W sparked up for the S?
By then I had read Dobson's Love Must Be Tough and of course DR. So I knew what to say. It went something like this:
"W, I want you to stay here with me and work on the M. But I hear you saying that separation is what it will take for you to be happy, and above all I want you to be happy. So I support your decision, and will help you in any way I can."
The idea is not to agree or disagree, but just to let them know that you support them in THEIR decision, whatever that decision may be.
Quote:
MC told us that W does not receive any of the good messages. Even the good positive messages were being blocked by W and it is impossible to work on M if she does not accept those messages.
That's pretty typical. The WAS is only there so they can check it off their list of "been there, tried that". They're not remotely interested in actually working on the M. That's why MC is such a bad idea. MC has value when the M is still together but the spouses may be having problems. And it has value when both parties are willing to reconcile. But when one is a WAS with one foot out the door, MC just doesn't work.
