M1, You've asked the million dollar question and my answer is, yes I do love her. I wouldn't cry over someone I don't love. I didn't cry over my ExW when she had a PA and I asked for DV. The problem is with my W, is that we have been apart for so long that we've lost touch of how we feel. I kept my heart in the back of my chest to minimize the pain I experienced while being away. Then when I was visiting or vice versa, I exhibited that I was strong and doing well despite our geo separation. What I should have done was show my true feelings and express to her how much she means to me through the "little things." I needed to hug her more "just because." I needed to compliment her more often. Perhaps it was a bad idea 2 years ago to go along with her suggestion to not say, "I love you" at the end of our conversations. I figured it was her trying to be the tough one too. Thank you, M1 for pointing this out. It's a missing element.
Thank you for answering a hard question.
And you know, sometimes it IS a hard question to answer. There are things that happen during the course of a relationship, and people tend to think along the lines of an obligation to be together, rather than a promise of wanting to be together.
I would still be interested in hearing about your interactions as of late, and how she is responding to you now, as opposed to in the past.
The way that you describe the long distance thing, and keeping your heart in the back of your chest, is perfectly describing detaching. And it sounds as if that is what you have already been doing, and what she has been doing too.
I'm not certain that detaching is what you need to do here. And that sounds strange to say in the beginning stages of DBing.
What I would suggest, based on what you have typed here, is to take some time, to let the dust settle. focus on what you shoulda, coulda, woulda done differently, or better.
Take the time to really define what love means to you, what your vows mean to you. Recognize what you need in a relationship, what you want to give in a relationship.
You say that she suggested that you not say "I Love You" at the ends of your talks, was that something that you endorsed too ?
Not now, but at that time ?
Think about what you want your future to look like, and make some small goals for yourself, that are just for you.
Are there any legal things happening right now ?
This is definitely a unique DBing situation, yet it doesn't mean that it is insurmountable.....
Keep reading and posting, and lets get you off of moderation first...
The more you talk, the clearer the picture gets....
