I no longer initiate convos with W, I'm treating her like a casual acquaintance at work and doing 180s. Some of my 180s include NEVER giving her grief when she wants to go out with friends or work, taking more responsibility with the kids' activities, doing lots of cleaning and wash at home, and going out more with friends. I feel as if I might even be doing TOO much, because she told the therapist it seems 'superhuman'.
That's similar to the way my W felt about my 180's. They see all these changes and their inclination is to think they are a trick to get them back after which we'll revert back to old ways. That's why it's important to make your 180's CONSISTENT and give your W plenty of time to start to appreciate that they're real and not tricks. It really takes months before that even starts to happen. My W told me recently that initially my 180's actually made her mad, because she wondered if it was so easy for me to change why I hadn't done it before. She finally came to realize that I didn't change before because she never asked me to and I never knew I needed to. But it took her months to realize that.
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I don't know if it is working, but I'm going to stick with it because it makes me feel good about myself to know that I'm making an effort.
Good, that's the right spirit. And it more than likely is working even though she may not acknowledge that.
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Whenever she calls to say she's going out after work I say 'OK, have fun. See you later or tomorrow!' If she asks me where I'm going or where I've been, I give a vague "Out :)" and she gets irritated. Should I be more open?
If it's irritating her then yes, be more open with her. You don't have to tell her everything, but something more than "out" might make her less angry, LOL!
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Also, what do other people do about family gatherings, holidays, vacatins etc?
The kids come first. You should continue any activities that make things less stressful on the kids, assuming your W is willing.
