Help & Advice needed please Thread 2

[Tallula]

"Sme days I feel great at detaching - this afternoon I've really been missing her. Hate the way it claws you back - but perhaps this prevents us from dropping the rope completely?"

It's up and down. I hate it, but each time it hurts less and lasts less time. Progress right? I think even when we decide to drop the rope and stop standing, it's going to hurt. We love these people. I think my H will always be a sadness to me, but one day I hope it's just a pang, and then my super hot rich young latin lover snaps me out of it

[Intact]

JOURNAL

Detaching... What a journey this is. Just when you think you're getting somewhere BAM!!

I think a lot of my trouble is, I've not forgiven my Wife I'm still so angry with her.

How can she split up our family? How can she just walk out? How can she be with OM when our son is hurting? Why is she putting all of this effort into R with OM instead of working on our marriage, our vows?

Not sure i will ever fully be able to forgive and I realise this is hindering me.

She told me the other day that OM makes her "sparkle" - she sees her son 2 days a week - is it worth it? I'm so confused.

GALing today - just meeting a few friends for lunch but at least it will get me away from the house...

Vent over.

[Intact]

Ok so looking for a bit of advice please.

Haven't initiated contact with my W for 3 weeks now but nothing really seems to be changing - it doesn't seem to have had any effect. Is this long enough to judge it on? Should I start mixing it up a little or just continue with the route I'm on?

Would really appreciate any advice.

[Mach1]

Haven't initiated contact with my W for 3 weeks now but nothing really seems to be changing - it doesn't seem to have had any effect. Is this long enough to judge it on? Should I start mixing it up a little or just continue with the route I'm on?

Would really appreciate any advice.

Effect how ?

Cause it doesn't appear to be working ?

On your time ?

Or her time ?

[Intact]

Haven't initiated contact with my W for 3 weeks now but nothing really seems to be changing - it doesn't seem to have had any effect. Is this long enough to judge it on? Should I start mixing it up a little or just continue with the route I'm on?

Would really appreciate any advice.

Effect how ?

Cause it doesn't appear to be working ?

On your time ?

Or her time ?

Thanks Mach this is a good point. It just feels like since I have stopped initiating contact it has been easier for her to back away. I get worried because MWD says don't be afraid to change directions if things aren't working - I guess I'm wondering what is sufficient time to know if something is working or not?

[Mach1]

Thanks Mach this is a good point. It just feels like since I have stopped initiating contact it has been easier for her to back away. I get worried because MWD says don't be afraid to change directions if things aren't working - I guess I'm wondering what is sufficient time to know if something is working or not?

You posted this on 3-20

Well, my WAW is being very nice too me - which is strange. She even had a coffee with me yesterday. I have greatly detached so either she now thinks I've moved on so it's safe to be friends or the dynamics of DB are really working; as I pull away she inches closer... We'll see...

So which is it ?

It's working, of it isn't ???

Just because change isn't in your face , doesn't mean it isn't happening...

How are things coming in your own sandbox ????

[Intact]

Thanks Mach, for 2 days she was ver nice - chatty, had coffee etc since then it's back to being cold. I'm trying to lovingly detatch but worried she will think I just don't care...

My own Sandbox is doing very well thank you. Have been GALing - went to a wine tasting event yesterday full of people I had never met. I have also been doing lots of work around the house. I have been to counselling to help me control my "short fuse". I am exercising, eating healthier than ever, spending lots of time with my Son.

I can say that apart from the issues with my W my life has never been more complete.

Thank you again mach.

[Intact]

Back to square 1 now!!!!

My S can home from school sobbing - when I eventually got him to talk too me he told me that whilst he had been with his Mother - the boy next door (4 years older) had made him "snog" him. Twice.

I quickly rang my Wife and she came over whilst MIL took S away for a few minutes. I had every intention of staying cool - until she said "I have to go now as I'm going to OM's house tonight" I was furious and told her that she was ruining our Son, didn't keep an eye on him and that she was an "unfit mother" - obviously not great DBing here but my emotions over the welfare of my Son massively got the better of me.

So here I am back at square 1 - but her inability to see the damage and pain this causes our son astounds me.

[Mach1]

Intact...

I think that you should start looking into some support for your Son.

I would advise you to start finding some counseling for him.

I would also advise you to start journaling all of your interactions with your spouse.

I would also advise you to be in contact with the local authorities.

At this point, everything else takes a back burner to your Son...

He is more important than anything else....

[Intact]

I agree Mach - I have kept a journal since BD and everything is dated etc.

I think counselling for him would be a good idea.

Nothing is more important to me than my Son (including our marriage) I just wish she could see the pain this is causing him.

Thank you for the advice.