I think your analogy of how it feels that dealing with him is like dealing with an alcoholic, or addict, is pretty spot on. That dynamic starts off immediately with the addict, most likely already agitated, attacking the people who get close, partly to get position of power quickly. Also, to have rationalization within themselves as to why they are feeling the way the are and that they are going to get their fix, because of someone else.

Of course there are many options and some of them might seem like immediate solutions to the problem, although what works for you, that is in keeping with your inner self, will be what you need to figure out.

If you approach him, ready for a fight, every time you know there is going to be contact, then you are already in a stressed. Not healthy for you, and he will sense it. He's possibly already tuned into "that" frequency. You can expect a fight at every interaction.

If you avoid him, he will eventually seek you out anyhow. You can't avoid him forever and that too will be stressful and not healthy.

I would suspect you are a little too attached to the outcome. Take that with a grain of salt, because it is understandable that you would be attached to the outcome of a pleasant, happy M.

What are some things that you want changed, in your sitch? Frame these from a position of YOU rather than HIM. IOW, you may want your H to stop attacking you, blaming you, judging you. What you would be looking at here is, you will stop feeling attacked, blamed, or judged. Not by him, solely... but by anyone...

Make sense?

I would agree that what he is doing is "wrong". Yet, if you do not understand his context, then you are not really hearing what the issue is, for him.

Zen is your friend... It allows you to bend, but not break and still be engaged in your environment. It will allow you to stop reacting and potentially "hear" the context better. So you can be proactive, rather than reactive.

So, what are some things that cause you to react? You can use your H as the context and frame. Then, work out what inner framing is going on within you.