Just skimming your situation. How long have you been DB'ing? Seems to me the focus is still completely on your H. You can't stop obsessing about him and focusing on yourself.
What are you doing to make yourself a better person. What are you doing for self growth. To become stronger. What is it about the OW that attracted your H away. Did you have these traits and lost them along the way.
Do you know what the law of attractions is? If you obsess about D and OW you will get that. In a nutshell if you think you will be broke you will be broke. If you think you will get the flu, you will get the flu. Google it. It is very real.
Again I just briefly read this thread. But I see you saying "my mind went spinning about OW" etc..
Once you truly surrender and move on (inside your head) this is when they surprisingly come back. It doesn't appear you are nearly there.
You do realize your anxiety will be sensed by your H. Just like they say don't act nervous around a barking dog because they will sense it and bite you. Every walking soul on this planet vibrate a frequency. Some lower (negative nellies) some very high and can even heal people with touch (Jesus). My point change your frequency and he will change his. Negativity and anxiety is contagious. Like a disease... But so is being positive.
I feel feel for you. I actually care about everyone on this board. It is so painful to go through this crap and at times it seems so unfair. Not saying every sitch is similar to mine, but I 'm glad I went through what I did. It was a big fat gift given to me by my W. I finally embraced it and made the changes that only a fool would want to leave ("25")
Hi ladies! Thank you for your support and feedback.
I think venting here really helped because I was cooler than I thought I could be when H arrived. I navigated the convo about work, the kids and other business matters. Kept it light and friendly, applauded his recent work projects, chatted a bit about recent trip to Cairo and then said good night. I walked him to the door and said safe home.
It was freeing not to have an R talk and to feel so calm. It as freeing to just accept the few hours as they were... A catch up with someone I know. I wasn't afraid ... That is good. For now it's good for me. Need to remember this so that I can stop my spinning in the future.
2 thank you for your support about the kids. And inside you are correct, no expectations and if it happens its a nice thing to happen. Sometimes in this 'new normal' I forget EVERYTHING has to change... New habits need to form.
Love you ladies. ((((((( ))))))
Hi PON, thank you for coming by! I read your posts and thread and value many of your opinions and POV. Thank you again for coming by. I have been here since May. I suppose I can see that from that post you referred to I must look obsessive still about H... The post you refer to especially... I was spinning... Hadn't seen H for 8'weeks and I was twisted in knots. So vented a lot yesterday and day before.
Please read further back more if you want, I think I'm in a better place than I portrayed in that post for the most part. I would appreciate your opinion or any comments you may have that could help me ( and others reading) continue to move forward . (((((())))))
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
I am so, so proud of you, you seriously rock and I hope you are bouncing about today, because you should be. I hope you have the confident little smile on your face.
Once you truly surrender and move on (inside your head)...
Such a short phrase that describes such a looooong and difficult process that I, like so many, haven't figured out how to put into action.
Thanks for your posts.
M:12y - BD:12/11 - D:6/13 - 4Ds
"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." -MLK Jr.
Am feeling good...it definitely helps to get the yucky stuff out. I hadn't realised how much so.
PM- I agree with PON's statement about moving on in our heads...truly surrendering. It is tough. I think it happens in tiny steps...at least that is what I feel. I want to get there and realize that I will, with time. How are you? Thank you for coming by my thread :-)
It's time to start anew thread.. Will see you all there my dear friends.
xxx
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
