We aren't friends. I'm his adversary in an upcoming legal case, although we're trying to be civil and cooperate with each other for the good of our kids. So I wouldn't share a room with him on the basis that we're friends, because we aren't.
I also wouldn't share a hotel room with a male friend; I would get my own room, it's just more appropriate to me.
I shared a room with this man for 18 months that he didn't look at me, touch me, connect emotionally with me, or give me one scrap of human concern or kindness, and the reason I did that was so my kids wouldn't know their family was in trouble in case we were able to turn it around in counseling. During that time, it was very painful for me to be in such close quarters with him. He would walk around naked or lie around in boxers like I was nothing more than a piece of furniture in the room. On this trip, I can ask him to dress in the bathroom and stay clothed in the room, which I feel is out of line since it's his space, or I can get my own space where I can be comfortable and have privacy and not feel like I'm being treated like a piece of furniture without feelings.
I don't think I need to pretend that I'm fine with sharing a hotel room with a man who does not love me and has no interest in being married to me, in order for the kids to "see that the two of us can get along." They would be actually seeing that mom pretends she has no feelings so that it can look like she and dad get along. Playing all day at the amusement park together is getting along enough.
I ran it by my sister and my brother tonight. My sister said I should share the room. She thought maybe it was an overture toward reconciling and I shouldn't push it away. I believe in my heart that if my H ever makes an overture toward reconciling it won't be so ambiguous and subtle. In fact, I'm not coming back to a marriage where love and desire are assumed rather than expressed, and "you big baby" is the upper limit in affection. If I don't know he really wants to try, I'm not going to hear and guess, interpret and assume. I might even need an engraved notice. After almost two years of being told pointblank by him not to have any hope and not to have any expectation, the fact that I wasn't actively not-invited on this trip is not even close to an overture. The very fact that she thought it might be, and in the bottom of my heart I thought it too for a second, is just why it would be hurtful and confusing to share a room on this trip.
My brother on the other hand, said H was oblivious of social graces and thinks it was inappropriate to assume we'd stay together.
I'm aware I'm overthinking it. I just have a sick feeling about suppressing my feelings and staying in the room with him, and I have a sick feeling about being the one who insists on separate rooms. I have a sick feeling thinking about staying home which I really don't want to, and I have a good feeling about being at the park together riding the rides. I have a sick feeling about getting divorced, but I have a good feeling about being past being divorced.
A year after we're divorced, when we've been dating other people and moving on with our lives, there is no way I could see myself vacationing with and sharing a hotel room with him. I think it's confusing now because we're more used to being married, but we're much closer to being divorced than to being married right now.
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
