Just skimming your situation. How long have you been DB'ing? Seems to me the focus is still completely on your H. You can't stop obsessing about him and focusing on yourself.
What are you doing to make yourself a better person. What are you doing for self growth. To become stronger. What is it about the OW that attracted your H away. Did you have these traits and lost them along the way.
Do you know what the law of attractions is? If you obsess about D and OW you will get that. In a nutshell if you think you will be broke you will be broke. If you think you will get the flu, you will get the flu. Google it. It is very real.
Again I just briefly read this thread. But I see you saying "my mind went spinning about OW" etc..
Once you truly surrender and move on (inside your head) this is when they surprisingly come back. It doesn't appear you are nearly there.
You do realize your anxiety will be sensed by your H. Just like they say don't act nervous around a barking dog because they will sense it and bite you. Every walking soul on this planet vibrate a frequency. Some lower (negative nellies) some very high and can even heal people with touch (Jesus). My point change your frequency and he will change his. Negativity and anxiety is contagious. Like a disease... But so is being positive.
I feel feel for you. I actually care about everyone on this board. It is so painful to go through this crap and at times it seems so unfair. Not saying every sitch is similar to mine, but I 'm glad I went through what I did. It was a big fat gift given to me by my W. I finally embraced it and made the changes that only a fool would want to leave ("25")
