No surprises. I had hoped for one (at least a card) but did not expect it.
xSO called my house late the night before my birthday. I was not yet home as my out of town business ran late. He left a message saying happy almost birthday, hope I enjoyed my trip and "long time no talk". He said he would call back later and it appears that he did but no more messages.
As far as I can tell, there were NO calls on my actual birthday, although a blocked number tried numerous times to get through. I have those blocked so they never get answered. I think the blocked calls may have been from xSO but I do not know for sure. No one who has my cell number has a blocked number.
In the end, the difference is nothing of "more of the same". Either he could not be bothered to contact me the whole day or he was calling from a blocked number, further confirming my suspicians that he is back with GF and they had plans. Again, what difference does it make if he did have GF plans? The bottom line is that he knew where I was and made no effort to see or contact me in all that time.
I called him when I got in late that night. No answer. Surprise.
I felt the nail in the coffin. I do not want to be treated this way any more. I do not want someone in my life like that. I have been holding onto what was and forgiving for what is. Not that I wish him ill or anything; I just now wish me to completely detach and move on. I am resigned to the fact that he does not love me anymore. I have learned that resignation and acceptance are not the same thing. Acceptance is when there is some peace. I have none.
As a "newbie" I never thought I would get to this point and thought the people who did just must not have cared so much. Nope. I have realized that sometimes there is a straw that breaks a camel's back and that taking care of ourselves means making a decision that is going to hurt.
Is this the END? I do not know. But it is a change in the direction of the wind.
I'm sorry that you are hurting. I wish that I could wave a magic wand and things would be better for you.
Continue detaching. Portia, you deserve so much more than what this guy has been providing you. You are a very intelligent, kind, compassionate and independent woman.
You are slowly realizing that he's got other fish to fry right now and you are there when he needs a fix for the old ego. I'm so sorry he's not been suppotive to you the last few months to a year.
I don't think it's the end, but I do see a shift in the winds and a new and different chapter being written for your life. Be open to new things because they are on the horizon for you.
Take care.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
It is the end of a chapter - not the end of the book.
Anyone who reads your posts knows you care terrifically about your XSO. Getting to where you are now only means that you begin to care terrifically about yourself. You don't have to stop loving him Portia, you just have to open your hand and let him slip away because hanging on to him isn't good for you.
I'm sorry you feel so hurt - you definitely do not deserve it.
Me 46 H 56 M 22 yrs S22, D20, Twin Ss18
You teach people how to treat you by what you allow. What you stop. And what you reinforce. ~~~~~~~ A lack of boundaries invites a lack of respect.
I am sorry you at the ropes end. I feel you, I really do. Stay in touch and come to vent if you feel like it. Happy belated birthday...take care.
BombOctober 2012- OW 11/28/12 -H still denies Separated 11/29/12 Own place 12/12/12 Confessed OW/EA/PA 2/2/13 Oct 2013 - I knew I was done Jan 2014 - Anticipating the rest of my life
I ditto what Mizjjd has said. The bomb truly destroys all of our self esteem and causes us to question who we are. I see part of the process is rebuilding or regaining that sense of self worth. That we will be alright with or without SO, and I know we will. I continue to remind myself to look at the positives that i have learned in this last year. I am a much better person and know better how to love and will be even more determined to better communicate with whomever is in my life. I see that in you as well. Be Strong
I would rather feel pain then never feel at all... Separated 3/2012 T 34 yrs M 27 yrs
I got a happy birthday tagged on the end of a txt about my daughter. Woo-hoo. These a$$holes have lost their minds. Don't expect a thing and you won't be disappointed. J.
Me42 W41 D10,D15 T25 M23 LYBNILWY 09/12 OEA 08/12(?)-ended? 01/13 Sep 01/13 I file 04/13 1rst D hearing 06/13 Currently in mediation
Thank you all for your support, kind words and birthday wishes.
I feel good, more myself and in control. That corner has been turned and there is no looking back. I like that feeling.
MizJ and Snodderly, you were very right. It is not the end of the book, just the end of the chapter.
xSO called me the night after my birthday. It was not a long conversation as I had to be up early the next day. He asked me if I had received his card. I said nope. He said he sent it. I did not believe him.
Well, it was true - two days later, I received a card with a gift certificate in it to my favourite store. He had sent it priority, but it still did not reach me. Too funny!
I think the universe works in strange ways. Because I had to process my feelings based on the assumption that he sent nothing and did nothing. Which helped me turn that corner and be detached.
I called him to thank him for the birthday card and gift. We talked like two old friends for almost two hours. When I started to get tired, I said I had to go. He asked what time it was and when I said we have been talking for almost two hours, he did not believe me. I hung up to it was awesome to talk to you and hear your voice.
Know what I learned, that there is no going back. I was able to speak to him like I did because I am moving forward, made plans without him and do not consider him in them. Have recognized that that if anything will "save" us, it is the friendship; a causal friendship. For now, I like this spot. I need some time to grieve my parent, to get healthy again, to do the dishes!
I have no doubt that I will still have some "hurt" days. But they will not be coming from the same place. I hope that we can work on this. Miz, I do care - still. That is the biggest mystery to me of all!
glad to hear you are in a better spot. For now - and hopefully a long now.
I like how you were able to strengthen yourself due to the delay in receipt. Just think how it would have played out if you had received it on time... you are probably in a better place than you would have been. Its like you actually got 2 gifts.
And yes you still care. I still care. That's a universal mystery too.
Take care my virtual friend!
Me 46 H 56 M 22 yrs S22, D20, Twin Ss18
You teach people how to treat you by what you allow. What you stop. And what you reinforce. ~~~~~~~ A lack of boundaries invites a lack of respect.
I am in a very strange spot. Stronger, yes. But with a very real urge to now just walk away. I recognize that I still love him and that I would be willing to work on things. But I also feel, eight months later, that I am no longer quite as willing to work on them alone.
Alone in this is how I feel. There has been no real progress since BD. as of two weeks ago he did not even want to see me and given that we are long distance that was just so telling to me. He did send a BDay card and gift but that felt more automatic than caring. We have not spoken in almost a week. I still do not trust that he is not back with GF. I really do not trust anything that he says.
I have been giving this quite a bit of thought and feel that it just may be time to say goodbye. I am sad that will mean the end but I cannot really figure out what I am holding onto anymore. I will not dive into this but I am tired of feeling used.
I am in a very strange spot. Stronger, yes. But with a very real urge to now just walk away. I recognize that I still love him and that I would be willing to work on things. But I also feel, eight months later, that I am no longer quite as willing to work on them alone.
Quote:
I have been giving this quite a bit of thought and feel that it just may be time to say goodbye. I am sad that will mean the end but I cannot really figure out what I am holding onto anymore. I will not dive into this but I am tired of feeling used.
I hear ya Portia. I often contemplate if that is what DB'ing is about. I guess we should all feel that way. I think we all need to walk away. I am contemplating all this myself. I feel our H's have a hold on us still if we don't. I know mine does, and I think he knows it, as if you read my sitch, he sent me an email last week, and the contents, well let's just say, he "thinks" he knows a lot about me. WTF!
Anyhow, MiZJ and Portia. I think at some point in our sitches, it will need to get there. It will be easier for some than others. Only we ourselves know when we have had enough.
BombOctober 2012- OW 11/28/12 -H still denies Separated 11/29/12 Own place 12/12/12 Confessed OW/EA/PA 2/2/13 Oct 2013 - I knew I was done Jan 2014 - Anticipating the rest of my life
