Just for context, what is triggering the arguments? What have you said that your H interpreted as unappreciative or dismissive?
As for the blaming / judging you are feeling from your H. I suspect that each one of us could be part of the conversation and agree that your H is blaming / judging you. Yet at the end of the day, it is still up to you to accept blame or judgement.
It sounds like what you are doing is not working. I suspect that when you feel blamed or judged, you are reacting. That said, does that lead you to walk away or to attack him?
This might be a good opportunity for a 180 that will stick.
Also, are you "hearing" what he is saying? And by that, I mean what does he say and are you dismissing it or are you validating his feelings (without owning the issue) and then reflecting on what he is saying and / or asking for clarification? Or are you doing what many people do and blocking the message altogether and putting defensive walls up?
