bug, i read recently that a feeling only lasts 90 seconds without some thought to prolong it. interesting finding, isn't it? it feels that way for me lately that i can get through a sad feeling fairly quickly if i allow it, but it surely did not feel like that at first...
tallula, thanks for stopping by i have been thinking a lot recently about compassion for myself. i think i have always thought that it was selfish in some way but now i realize how necessary it is before i can have true compassion for others.
Insideout, I read your recent posts today and am amazed at how you can talk about OW with your H. it is hard for me to imagine and understand and i wonder what it is that makes us all so different in that respect. (i am on the other end... not able to have any R right now with my X and would like to understand what enables others to do so) ps i like what you said about muscle memory.
busting and tori, thanks for your encouragement picnic sisters. i am with you both on accepting my feelings and not worrying about when they will end...they will end when they are ready..
JOURNAL
The D process moves forward. I replied to the settlement papers about a few issues that still needed to be addressed and W emailed that they were being rewritten. I did not reply to her email as there were no questions in it that needed a reply. The only other contact recently was when our dog was sick and needed a specialist, tests and treatment. I updated her about that and she responded nicely with concern.
I have been having some memories coming back...of things I did for her and of things I did not enjoy in the R.... my tendency has been to magnify all my faults in the R and idealize her... and i think i am finally starting to look at things more realistically... i am able to see more clearly how our faults rubbed up against each other and slowly aggravated and harmed our intimacy. i am able now to focus on me, my role but in a compassionate way. that is a big step forward for me and can continue to fuel my self growth.
my life has been shifting in really positive ways... my career path (which i changed about 12 years ago after being a vice president in a totally different industry) has really taken off. i am working a ton of hours but for now it is okay and my work is very rewarding.
my relationships with friends and family are expanding and deepening, i am discovering and enjoying new interests... and i am feeling very content with my life. i still do miss sharing my life w/ W but find that i am content with wishing her happiness and sending her love in my mind when i think of her.
that being said, i do not feel ready to have a friendship with her.. but instead of beating myself up about that.. i am working on accepting where i am at with that. (hence, my wonder with you, Insideout.)
i am blessed, that i know for sure.
Me(f): 51 W: 41 DP:8 M:3 T:10 "W not happy" 7/11 D final: 8/13
love you! 
