(((Busting)))) My thoughts are with you over the next day....
My feeling is that there can be positive movement in a sitch when OP is involved, but not the movement you want, it can still be positive. Look at me, right? There are many things in my R with H that I would not have been able to understand and him talk about if I did not accept where he was with his life.
Is it easy? Nope? Bug said it sounded painful, but any less painful than other experiences made from other ways of dealing with things?
Think of positive steps in terms of how strong you are now. Think of H as peripheral, in terms of expecting things that go unsaid. If it is not said and agreed upon, neither party can expect anything from the other. I think we still fall into patterns of expectation in terms of what has occurred in the past.
If H always had a car waiting, why, you think to yourself, would that change? Now, I would ask, not expect etc. And when it does happen, it is such a nice surprise, just the feeling of someone doing something for you and in my case, it makes me think about my own behaviours. The other day I was at H's apt. and did the dishes, cleaned the kitchen. He certainly didn't expect me to clean it up and said Thank you. I didn't expect a thank you, I did it because I wanted to. (well, and I was bored.....)
I think sometimes our expectations, hopes and fears, even though they keep us going everyday are also our worst enemies. So how do we balance them without destroying ourselves, or anyone else, in the process?
