Thank you for your input, but let me finish my analysis before drawing conclusions too fast. So, I realised I needed to counter this spiral.
1) Why would a normal, reasonable person want to D or separate if the spouse was blameless? Rather than viewing me without fault, I should strive to understand what lead W to assume the worse of me. Recognising my fault is the first step.
2) No matter what the facts are, what matters is perception. Because it will create the interpretation, the emotions and the action.
3) As convenient as my three stories are, they are biased at best. Looking honestly at them, they are only pretexts. I am not a poor victim. W is not a evil genius, and i'm not helpless.
4) In order for us to resume dialogue, not only must I stop trying to systematically shoot down her arguments, but I must welcome her feedback with gratefulness even when it doesn't please my ears.
5) We've let the situation degenerate, and we're now focused on secondary stuff such as keeping a straight face, showing we were the right one, hurting the other, etc.. and in order to go back to the essential, words won't be enough.
That's where it becomes tricky. Now that I've had a change of heart, for W to see it, it'all have to be through patience, showing interest in my S, responding gently, apologising, not using statement sentences but asking for her opinion, being thankful when she shares her point of view.
Maybe, and I understand it's maybe, some "camaraderie" will build with W and dialogue will resume. If it doesn't, the years with my son won't be lost, he passed from being one of the many things I had to take care of and manage into being the centrer of my attention and care.
Please feel free now to comment. I'm all ears, as I'm learning to welcome feedback and consider it as a precious gift for change in me. Have a great Sunday.
