The View from the Blanket II

[bustingout]

SD! Where have you been! Its wonderful to hear from you. I hope you are doing well. Thank you for coming by. Thank you for reminding me reminding me about the MWD story. My coach has also spoken to me about it several times. I set the tone. Have missed you SD ((((( )))))

NLW-Thank you. It does help to know that H may be acting according to script (AGAIN!). It makes me want to shake him and say WAKE THE F^%$ UP!

Bug-I understand about doing it for me. The way I am feeling and have been feeling for the past several weeks is that I want very little contact with him right now. It is purely a self preservation mechanism. its not because I wish to punish him. But the way I feel THIS moment is that I want to lash out. That is the old me. That is what I used to do in the past.

So I am battling myself right now to not be the old me. To be the person I have grown into, the person I want to be without being a doormat. Without invoking his disrespect or apathy again. Because that adds to my resentment. It shouldn't. His disrespect is more of a reflection of him rather than me.

I have about 13 hours before he arrives to get my thoughts in order. To practice what I have learned and to prove to myself I can be the woman I see in my mind. I need to let go of the nagging feeling that I want to fix this, 'save' H, 'show him the right way', etc etc.

The thing is, I dont think I fear a D talk like I used to, I am more weary of the sh!tty way he deals with me, depending on his mood. I will set the tone. The most I can do is be the best me I can be.

Anyway, I need to put this aside for awhile. I woke up two hours before my alarm because of this! Enough (second cup of coffee and its only 6 am!)

I know for most of you, today is still your weekend. For us over here it is the first day of the work week...so I guess I need to get myself together, wake up the kids, and bust this day.

Love you all