W told me about another dream she had. I'll wait for Bklyn to analyze it. We are at her parents house playing with lots of cats and dogs. I notice a fox over beside the house and she tells me it's not a fox but a dog. I go over and start trying to approach it. Next thing she knows I've got the fox in a box and its acting tame and letting us play with it. W is surprised that its a fox and how calm it is. The End.
W is still being nice around me. actually punched on me yesterday evening and pretend chocked me when I teased her. This morning she said love you as she went out the door.
Going to be a tough weekend. W has plans to spend three days out of town with friends. Causes my mind to go to dark places. I need to stay real busy. One positive, she normally is the type for absence making the heart fonder.
M - 42 W- 37 S's - 9,6 M-12 T-14 FIL- diagnosed with fatal disease spring 2011 ILYBNILWY - march '12 FIL - died jan '13 W Moved out week later
The dream: You see your W as a wild fox, and want to catch and tame her!
As for the out of town weekend, don't let your mind go there. My wife has done 3 vacations on her own (or with a GF) since bomb drop. (the first one was extremely hard on me)
She emailed me everyday, (we don't have/use cell phones) then comes home and shows me pictures and tells me all about her trip in a manner that I know she couldn't fake. Since you guys are getting along good and playing around together, I wouldn't be surprised if your W did the same thing.
Show her how strong you are while she is gone.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
FY I thought the same, except it was her dream. She thinks I can tame/protect the wild fox (her). I hope she's right.
I hope you're right about the weekend. It's just so easy to let my mind go there. I already have several events planned with the boys to occupy my time.
M - 42 W- 37 S's - 9,6 M-12 T-14 FIL- diagnosed with fatal disease spring 2011 ILYBNILWY - march '12 FIL - died jan '13 W Moved out week later
Interesting evening with W. She called about 4:30 because she had locked keys/purse/phone in her car. She was shopping in a neighboring town about 30 mins away. Me and the boys went down and took the extra set of keys. She commented that she's done this twice now. Stated that she never did this before she lost her mind. I just laughed and said no you didn't. The boys were really cracking on her and i egged it on by turning on my emergency flashers and started blowing the horn as i turned into the parking lot. She told them you do things like this when you love somebody. I backed her up and said thats right, you do things for those you love.
When she came home she approached me with her arms out and gave me a long hug and thank you. I messed up and grabbed her butt. She commented not to touch her butt but didnt stop hugging. Rest of the evening she spent all her time getting ready for her trip. I felt bad that she didn't spend time with the boys but let it go.
I hope she really misses them the next few days. Not to punish her, but for them!
M - 42 W- 37 S's - 9,6 M-12 T-14 FIL- diagnosed with fatal disease spring 2011 ILYBNILWY - march '12 FIL - died jan '13 W Moved out week later
FY you may have been right. W texted me on the way out to meet her friends mainly to discuss little things like what the highway patrol unmarked cars look like (she had a scare), weather conditions, etc. She then texted me at boys bedtime to ask how they were and how ball practice went. That's a positive for her. This time last year she went to the beach for four days and never asked about them once.
Need to remain strong and calm.
M - 42 W- 37 S's - 9,6 M-12 T-14 FIL- diagnosed with fatal disease spring 2011 ILYBNILWY - march '12 FIL - died jan '13 W Moved out week later
Let's see, physical contact (long hugs), texting, asking about the boys...seems like some positive changes and forward movement (though never as quickly as we would like)...
Keep going with what you're doing, a dig deep for that patience and calmness, you can do this!
T^2
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
Thanks T^2. W has called everyday except first to speak with boys. Talked to me for just a min too. I'm glad she has called the boys because they really miss her.
I so want her to miss me. I know that's selfish, but its an honest feeling.
Maybe someday.....
M - 42 W- 37 S's - 9,6 M-12 T-14 FIL- diagnosed with fatal disease spring 2011 ILYBNILWY - march '12 FIL - died jan '13 W Moved out week later
W shows up at 7:30 so she can spend an hour with the boys before bedtime. That's real nice of her! Talks about how much fun she had going to all the bars and she's mad she had to come back go the real world. I just want to kick her ass.
S9 asks her why she didn't hug and kiss on me when she came in. She tells him we did before he came down stairs. When he leaves I tease her and said I didn't remember that. She responds that I need to hush cause I'm out! S6 asks her if she's staying here since we haven't seen her all weekend. She tells him no she needs to stay at her place. They're getting tired of these games same as I am.
After the boys went to bed she wanted to talk about our summer vacation. I wasn't in any mood for that.
It was all I could do not to blast her. I know she's come a long way in the last month or so, but I'm so tired of this. Sorry we all can't live in fantasy land princess! Most of us realized that by, at least, our mid 20's.
M - 42 W- 37 S's - 9,6 M-12 T-14 FIL- diagnosed with fatal disease spring 2011 ILYBNILWY - march '12 FIL - died jan '13 W Moved out week later
I know you are angry at her because she is being a selfish jerk but please don't stop doing things that are working.
She likes how you have given her space, no questions asked. It's a slow slow process but seems to me she is moving closer to you not further away.
My analysis of the dream: (it's quite positive for you)
Your wife has a hard time telling the difference between people that are good for her and people that are dangerous. You again have always been her protector. She has some desire to deal with danger by herself but is always reminded that you are so good at "taming tigers" and putting fires out.
It was a very positive dream.
I think she loved the butt grab if she didn't she definitely would have ended the hug
---- M 39 H 35 D5,D4 M 4 T 9 ILYBNILWY 5/18/11 Left 7/11/11 Divorced 12/1/13
W shows up at 7:30 so she can spend an hour with the boys before bedtime. That's real nice of her! Talks about how much fun she had going to all the bars and she's mad she had to come back go the real world. I just want to kick her ass.
She feels she deserves to live this new party life. As you are aware, you can't stop her. Bite your tongue, let it play out and eventually it will get old.
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S9 asks her why she didn't hug and kiss on me when she came in. She tells him we did before he came down stairs. When he leaves I tease her and said I didn't remember that. She responds that I need to hush cause I'm out! S6 asks her if she's staying here since we haven't seen her all weekend. She tells him no she needs to stay at her place. They're getting tired of these games same as I am.
Have you set any boundaries yet? It's not healthy to have none. You don't want to end up in a place where she walks all over you. Maybe not accepting lying to the kids would be a good boundary.
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After the boys went to bed she wanted to talk about our summer vacation. I wasn't in any mood for that.
Are you guys planning to do something together on summer vacation? If so, you GET in the mood! Perfect time to show her the new you.
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It was all I could do not to blast her. I know she's come a long way in the last month or so, but I'm so tired of this. Sorry we all can't live in fantasy land princess! Most of us realized that by, at least, our mid 20's.
Continue to vent here. I know you are in a difficult place right now, but it sounds like you're doing well. Continue to look at the big picture, the end goal, as you make your way forward.
Try to make the best of each day, without worrying so much about W. Take care of you and the boys. Do something new, for you.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
