Good morning luke. Just came in to read some posts. . How are you today? Myself, feeling very down. W moving out tomorrow, cant get my head around it. So so sad. It really is a rollercoater, after talking to C yesterday, i felt ok, quite positive ( as much as i can be in my sitch), and then hours later.... Bang! Rock bottom again....
M:39, W:35 T:12, M:3 (4y 2013.02.18) D:9 S:5 2 Dogs W says she wants D : 2013.01.18
I am sorry to hear about how you are hurting. Are there coping strategies (friends, movies, books, your kids, whatever works for you) that can help. Plan now to do something, if time permits, specific on Sunday, something that at least gives you a break from the pain. I just started the Hundraringen book last night - can recommend it - plus I live very near all the places they talk about.
Let's talk about what you feel went wrong, and how you can change to become a better person. I think there is a silver lining here, if you want to find it and do it, and that doing so gives you the best chance for everything.
Luke
ps. I am okay. S is coming home from university tonight, and it will be great to see him. He is at home for 3 weeks, and I work from home, so yay - lots of time together. D has been great too - wisely told me to clean the house so my W does not have to for son's homecoming.
On the benefits side of all this s%%t is that I have lost a kilo due to the stress - will be useful for the half marathon I run in May. What a payout! Plus you save money by not eating so much!
Hang in there - post here - will try to keep you company as best I can -
M58, xW54 S22, D18 M 1984, D 2016 Living a new life.
Let's talk about what you feel went wrong, and how you can change to become a better person. I think there is a silver lining here, if you want to find it and do it, and that doing so gives you the best chance for everything.
Woukd like to begin with what W has for complaints,as these faults must be the reason for her wanting D....
My bad moods affect the whole family - i agree I have little patience with the children - i agree I sometimes speak to her and children with little respect - i agree I am a fairly negative person sometimes - i agree We have had lots of arguments - i agree
W has also mentioned that i am ego. In the meaning that when i am depressed, in a bad mood., or have little patience, then it is more important for me to project this outwardly, instead of letting it go and not affecting the family.
W says i have had many chances to change this behaviour, but now shes had enough. She has been let down with false promises of change too many times. She has no respect for me anymore, feels like sometimes i am like a third child that she needs she needs to teach how to behave or act.
I took her love for granted, and didnt take her pleas for change seriously.
Have read the hundraåringen book, very entertaining!
Have fun with your S. Be the best father you can be...
M:39, W:35 T:12, M:3 (4y 2013.02.18) D:9 S:5 2 Dogs W says she wants D : 2013.01.18
Okay - this is a good starting point - things to work on. I am not the psychologist type though - hope others chime on - will give my 2 pence in a while - have to finish cleaning -
What gets you depressed? Check out the idiot's guide to CBT - it may be helpful.
Back later -
Luke
M58, xW54 S22, D18 M 1984, D 2016 Living a new life.
Oh, and if you want and do not mind chemical help against the depression and low points, you may want to think about AD, such as an SSRI. I've taken two - Prozac, which gave me headaches after a while, and (currently, just started again yesterday) citalopram, which removes the real low points. They take a few weeks to kick in though.
Luke
M58, xW54 S22, D18 M 1984, D 2016 Living a new life.
Myself, feeling very down. W moving out tomorrow, cant get my head around it. So so sad. It really is a rollercoater, after talking to C yesterday, i felt ok, quite positive ( as much as i can be in my sitch), and then hours later.... Bang! Rock bottom again....
It's normal to cycle through emotions like that. And your W moving out is a big change in your life. You're going to grieve and you're going to be in pain, so give yourself some time for that. It helps to try and stay busy, but don't fight your emotions, let them pass through.
Separation is a new beginning for you and your W. I don't think my W even began the healing process until she moved out. It's very difficult to detach and give your W time and space when she's under the same roof. Often they need to get out before they really get the space they need. And it's normal for us all to be codependent to our spouses to some extent, separation allows us to break those bonds of codependence and become independent people again. And that independence is probably what your W was attracted to in the first place, and with ample time she may be attracted to it again.
