here i am- here in new and this stuff. i'm sorry it went badly. he sounds like my h- he wants it all.
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This is such a mess and it hurts way to much to have him need ea to speak to everyday, I want to be far away from all of this already. _______________
talk about death by a thousand cuts - mee too - this is what is killing me- killing "us" and killing anything that might even stll be here somewhere.
i th ink my h feels the same- it's what will end it all for us.
i'm not ready- have one more bit of toughinging up to do. i don't think it matters to him that i was there with him- that i am here with him- he gave alovely speech in funeral home- we all cried and cried- but i keepty wondering in my hearr if he was putting it on- dramatizing. it was veryn ice- i am untrusting of anything out of his mouth. it was his instruction "assume it's all lies" - well, now i do.
sad - the thinkgs people say in anger or whatever - and then ave to live with.
he doesn't know- i don't tell him anthing about what i feel about him, r, sitch, etc.
i guess i will when i'm walking out the door. oh well
sorry things got ratty- your guy sure is something. i read it and wonder if that's all in my h's head also- he just doesn't talk.
cripes- i'm goign to enjoy some solitude and not think- my brain is fried as are my emotions.
it's been an awful couple weeks- but i appreciate being alive today.
