Not confused, still emotional, getting very angry

[AJM]

I don't see that as rambling so much as I see the expression of pain and hurt. Can you imagine if you didn't hurt? I think that would be worse, to be honest. You'll see what I mean at a later time, I think.

I am feeling the anger leaving, but all is left is sadness. I prayed very hard this morning. I want my H back so much, my heart hurts.

That's Ok, BRNR. Anger and sadness are part of it. Feel the emotions. Seriously, feel them and work through them. It's part of grieving. I would seriously wonder about you if you did NOT feel like this. It's not pleasant, but it is needed.

I, and everyone on this board knows how you feel. Or they will if they are lucky. We also know you will do everything you can and cost is not an issue. However, I challenge you to figure out what YOU can do. And also what YOU cannot do.

Keep in mind that growing further apart is not the issue. You both have to go through that at this point. That's not the end of the relationship. Apathy is. It doesn't make it more difficult either. It's already difficult and can't get any more difficult or complicated. He needs his room to grow. What happens later will happen and worrying about it won't change that.

I'm guessing it feels that if you don't take action he will drift away, right? That it's up to you to make things "work". But I'll tell you nothing is further from the truth. You can only own what's yours. I encourage you to do that. You can only "do" what YOU can do. Nothing more than that. Let the rest of that burden rest where it belongs - with H. In the meantime, be patient, be kind, be compassionate, and be still. You can't say or do anything that is going to cause him to "wake up" even if you feel like you can. You need to just be YOU, and you need to heal. And the only way to heal is go through it all.

Be at peace that things are working. Be confident in yourself and your worth. You are worthy! No matter what anyone else says, including your H. What he says now and what he'll say later are not the same things. Believe me. The story is far from over, my dear.

Peace,
AJ