I think this anger was long overdue and has been building up. I am not sure how long it will take to release. I know it is my emotions right now, and I am focused on not making any life altering decisions at this time although my gut is telling me I should. And yes, I am talking about divorce. I guess in my mind, we live like we are divorced, so why not follow through. It is unfinished business where I am concerned, and I feel if I can get it off my plate I would be much better for it. But I know it is not good to make this decision right now, so on the back burner it goes.
To say that this is most intelligent is severely understating things. You are absolutely correct - now is not the time to make decisions. Now is the time to feel AND work through your anger. The anger is expected. It's part of it. Working through it is the hard part, but know that if you do not, you will keep that anger regardless of what happens with you and H. You need to work through it for your sake and your sake alone.
How long is healthy? Until you have it completed. Don't let anyone tell you differently, but listen to what they say anyway. Your friends will keep you honest, even if you don't want to hear it.
It's been my experience that when you think you're done, wait. If you really are done, you won't question if you are or not. You won't need to tell people when you are truly done with the anger etc. You won't need to explain yourself. You won't need to tell people how happy you are. They'll know and so will you
It's OK to be angry. It's not OK to leave it like that for very long. To get through it, you need to work on it. For me, it meant unraveling the rubber-band ball. I picked on item, and dealt with it until it was done and I was satisfied it was done never to be brought up again. Sometimes that happened fast (little things) and sometimes it took longer (weeks/months/still working on a some odds and ends). One at a time, I peeled it off the ball, dealt with it, and let the rest ride so I could focus on just that one. At some point, the tables re-balanced. Like sand in an hour glass that I was moving one grain of sand at a time with. It was tedious and hard work. I often prayed for my ex and her new husband. I still do. I believe it's why I can honestly wish them both the best. I talked to friends and I listened to them and their stories and how they handled their situations.
It takes time. I hope illustrating at least one method is helpful, but you will need to figure out what works for you. What works for cleaning out the "garbage" in your own being. If you don't, it builds up and you will become bitter instead of better. Or as is often said, deal with your anger or it will deal with you
Peace, AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
