People reading these posts might think I'm despondent, sad or depressed. Really, nothing could be further from the truth - I'm simply analyzing recent events and how they fit into the bigger picture - my life, welfare and happiness. DBing has helped me overcome many things and get to a point where I'm happier with who I am now. I am actually happy most of the time, feeling better health-wise, have a better R with D's, meeting new people and picking up some old hobbies I had given up previously, and some new ones.
Every Friday night I go out with some friends at work for dinner and a few drinks. My D's and I spend more time talking, playing games, and just in general getting along better since I've let go of a lot of stress. I've always enjoyed learning about electronics and I've picked back up with my first computer I ever owned (from 1982) and am learning what makes it actually work. I've also always enjoy radio controlled planes and cars, so I've got an R/C truck, and D13 has one and we race them around the yard. I've gotten back to working on my own cars/trucks as well. While I don't currently have a project car, I am planning one (thinking something like the Impala from the TV show Supernatural).
To some, the above may seem superficial. But, I gave up almost all of those hobbies when W thought I was spending too much time with hobbies and not enough time with her and the D's a few years back. The irony is that last year she said I had become too clingy and seemed to need t be around her and the kids all the time. So I guess the lesson here is balance... Granted, not every minute of every day is occupied with those activities. I still have work around the house that needs done, etc.
I'm in NO WAY happy about being in a failing M, that is another subject altogether. Overall, though, I'm far happier than I've been in years. There are things missing from my life right now, but, I try not to focus on those and try to make the best out of it.
I'm the only one responsible for my happiness, and I'm taking that duty back.
My W has been "poking the bear" lately, trying to engage me into an argument but I am not going there. I am killing her with kindness. It seems to be pissing her off but I am just keep a positive attitude and try to defuse the situation.
It is much easier to detach from the W when they are not being friendly to you.
H 37 WAW 32 S 4 (Autistic) S 2 Together 11 years Married 6 Bombshell Dec 1 2012 House sold, flying solo June 1 2013.
Thanks, though I'm still working on the better man part, lol.
Originally Posted By: Maritimer
My W has been "poking the bear" lately, trying to engage me into an argument but I am not going there. I am killing her with kindness. It seems to be pissing her off but I am just keep a positive attitude and try to defuse the situation.
My W has tried this as well lately and I refuse to take the bait. She's also playing the curious card because I have withdrawn so far. While I never let it evolve into an argument, I will listen to what she has to say, ask her the who's, what's and why's of her thoughts and then try to ensure she knows I paid attention to her, and heard her.
If it's something we can reach middle ground on, so be it. If our opinions are too far out, I tell her I have no intention of getting into any argument and suggest we agree to disagree. But I never just dismiss her.
Originally Posted By: Maritimer
It is much easier to detach from the W when they are not being friendly to you.
ugh... wish I had read this yesterday... would have helped me TONS (too late)...
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
poked the bear... wish I had just let h have his "temper tantrum, eyes rolling, stupid argeument", ignored his behaviour and gotten past it. Just be my happy self. I think that is what EVERYONE on my thread is wanting from me... I think???
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
You have to be ready to show him you're willing to move on with or without him. That's the importance of GALing.
Also, I did notice the mind reading discussion going on in your thread. Take my advice - get over it!
My life improved 1000fold when I stopped trying to apply logic and common sense to W's actions. It simply cannot be done, nor can you decipher what they are thinking, so don't try. Work on yourself, GAL and get to a better place - it's imperative for your sanity...
Tx Blake, I was feeling pretty awesome about last weekend & GAL, went dancing & at 11pm, Saturday H CALLED! I missed the call, but sure felt pretty good that he called me. Strange timing.
I sure am beating myself up today.
Won't have much of a GAL this weekend, friends are all pretty busy & D22 working & hanging with her friends...
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
Won't have much of a GAL this weekend, friends are all pretty busy & D22 working & hanging with her friends...
So...? Just go out and find something fun or interesting to do. Museum? Art Center? Just go find some yard sales? Something to occupy your time and make yourself unavailable to him for a while. You're doing it for YOU!
