Couple days ago my H and I went to my sons Spring Concert.
It went well. he was pleasant and cordial. Kind of felt like old times, only differences was that there was not holding hands or overt displays of affection. But, he would call my "honey" (although I think it was more out of habit), and joke with me like we used to when we were together.
His parents (which are also divorced) also showed up and acted perfectly normal with me. Greeted me like they always did and made small talk with me to see how I was doing. When we all went to sit down in the auditorium...I saw that his parent sat together and were joking and chatting like old friends.
I then felt like it finally hit me...this is what H wants! He has seen this example of his parents and how they get along great after their D, and thinks that things will be the same with us. I was an eyeopener and very disappointing as well. I don't think I can do that. Why? Because I can only move forward with him im my life...not backwards.
So, I played it cool and departed amicably and warmly with H and his family. Gave absolutely no indication to anyone of what I was feeling. Kept a cheerful upbeat appearance. But, I think I am coming to the point where detachment "going dark" is needed, mostly for my own sanity. I'm starting to realize that I was the one that had the most to offer in our R, and he turned it down. I can't change his mind...only make myself happy. If he returns, it will be to a new woman. Old me is changing and falling in love with herself...and that feels pretty amazing
