Arrrrrgh! I just wrote a long post and somehow lost it. So, to make this short, I feel that you believe that somehow the D will give you a break with your W, where you don’t seem to have much luck right now.
This is what I’ve learned through reading and witnessing others. Get a lawyer and his advice to protect your finances. Let your W move out without any pleading from you. Then, you go dark. No relationship, no contacts, nothing. You go on a self improvement “course” and try to find the man you use to be (or maybe even better). Stop being a passive type, b/c women do not respect passive men and they certainly aren’t attracted to them. You may see it keeping the peace, but it just breeds resentment.
She needs to go through some things before she can even think of being with you again. She has to learn some things that require you staying the heck away from her. I don’t have time right now (since I had already written it out), but it may take up to two years before she’s over this OM. They may get M, IDK. But if you D her, then she’s free to do whatever.
If she is pressing you to file, then it must be b/c she wants you to pay the expenses. If she wants to file, then don’t try to stop her. She’s not listening to you anymore. Set her free, and then you get a life that doesn’t include her. When her fairytale begins falling apart, she may turn to you for comfort, IDK. It’s up to you to decide if you want to be just “friends”. However, be careful of friends only, b/c it can become very comfortable to the W and a miserable trap for the H.
A divorce is not the ticket to R the M. You, like so many men, are trying to find that magic button to press to fix the problem, but it just doesn’t work that way.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
