I try to be the fix it guy and find solutions but most of the time, that’s not what people are looking for.
Right. That's the way most of us guys are wired. Someone gives us a problem, we offer solutions. Heck, that is EXACTLY why I'm good at my job, when people come to me and express problems they are having they specifically EXPECT a solution! So it was extremely difficult for me to learn how to validate and not "fix".
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I guess I am still in a fantasy land of where each person shared their perspective. But that’s not where we are.
Correct, that's not where you are right -now-. If and when you reconcile then it will be time to discuss YOUR perspective and issues too. But during the DB phase when your marriage is a house of cards and one puff of air away from collapsing you've got to set aside her issues and focus completely on yours.
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Now this is hard to do because I have many issues with W that have affected me deeply but I guess since she is the one trying to leave I have to suck it up for now.
Yup!
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Very hard to do and sometimes when I feel like I am being beat up and I can’t bring the issues I have with her up, I ask myself is this all worth it?
Yes it's hard, many of us will readily tell you that DB'ing is the most difficult thing we've ever done in our lives. It would be quicker, easier and probably less painful to just call it quits, push forward with D and get on with life. That is in fact what most people in our position do.
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And sometimes I worry even if there is a possibility of reconciling, would W be will to work on the issues with me or not.
When most DB'ers get to the point of reconciliation, one of the criteria they state to their WAS is the WAS must be willing to work on those issues. If the WAS isn't willing to put forth that effort, then reconciliation can't effectively happen. That's a long way out for you, I just mention it so that you know that this isn't about ignoring problems like that, it's about postponing them while you work on yourself.
Regarding MC, I agree with the others that you might want to drop it. Often when a WAS is one foot out the door, they're just looking for validation that they're doing the right thing. My W sat in MC barely saying a word. Finally after several sessions the C said "I don't see any progress being made, perhaps a separation is in order." Suddenly my W perked up and became totally involved in the session. She was FINALLY hearing what SHE wanted to hear!! She couldn't agree with the C faster! YES, a S, what a fantastic idea!! Frankly I think it's better to have no MC at all because MC is just a form of pressure to the WAS at a time when they want no pressure.
