I am sorry to hear about how you are hurting. Are there coping strategies (friends, movies, books, your kids, whatever works for you) that can help. Plan now to do something, if time permits, specific on Sunday, something that at least gives you a break from the pain. I just started the Hundraringen book last night - can recommend it - plus I live very near all the places they talk about.
Let's talk about what you feel went wrong, and how you can change to become a better person. I think there is a silver lining here, if you want to find it and do it, and that doing so gives you the best chance for everything.
Luke
ps. I am okay. S is coming home from university tonight, and it will be great to see him. He is at home for 3 weeks, and I work from home, so yay - lots of time together. D has been great too - wisely told me to clean the house so my W does not have to for son's homecoming.
On the benefits side of all this s%%t is that I have lost a kilo due to the stress - will be useful for the half marathon I run in May. What a payout! Plus you save money by not eating so much!
Hang in there - post here - will try to keep you company as best I can -
M58, xW54 S22, D18 M 1984, D 2016 Living a new life.