My wife is having affair with a mutual friend

[jp787]

If you are in a situation where WAS won't end the affair, but won't work on the marriage either (the two usually go together), then I have seen first-hand and also read about accounts where either threatening to disclose the affair to the OM's family, or actually doing it, causes the affair to end because OM does not want the information to come out or to hurt his family. The OM is someone who doesn't really deserve much consideration in this situation, given that they are having an affair with someone's spouse.

It could be a choice if the WAW refuses to end the A and you still want the marriage to have a chance of survival.

I disagree with this. I contacted the OM that my W was having an EA with and told him that I would contact his W, it scared him and he has since backed off and said just friends (which is still not acceptable at all for me). So in a sense it worked, BUT guess what? I crossed a line and my W now still wants OM, but he wont engage out of fear. SO she wants something she can't have and I dug a deep hole for myself by doing that! IMHO I should have let it go and hoped that she would have ended it on her own, not by my interaction. I regret it and it did make my sitch more difficult, so please think about it.

Then again, if the WAW won't end the A then the other choice can be to just wait it out and keep working on yourself using DB techniques so that you know YOU will be OK in the end either way.

This to me is the better choice.