Hello all. Here's a brief run down on my situation and any help would be greatly appreciated:
My wife told me almost 2 weeks ago that she wasn't happy and wanted to do a 3 month separation. She said "I love you, but I don't think I'm in love with you anymore" and the separation would be the only way she could have enough space to reevaluate our relationship. i was blindsided and said I wouldnt consider any separation until we talk to a therapist (tomorrow morning). She has been somewhat withdrawn over the last few months, but whenever I'd ask her about it she'd say she was fine. Starting about almost a year ago, she started reading romance/erotic novels nonstop and spends every minute of her free time reading them. I have mentioned to her that she might be addicted, but she became very defensive and denied it. Has anyone else had this problem? I feel like when she reads those books, our relationship doesn't resemble the ones in the books (i dont think anyone in the real world does) and makes her resent me and our relationship. Another issue I have is how she decided on a 3 month separation as the first step, before talking to me sooner or suggesting counseling or books. Her Dad and Stepmom did a year long separation years ago and that worked for them, so they suggested it to her. Since she told me about the separation, I have been reading relationship books (including The Divorce Remedy) and currently doing the 180 approach. I started with trying to pursue her more (notes, trying to plan a date,etc) but realized she would just pull further away. I don't initiate any conversations or physical touch, hoping she'll come back around now that I'm giving her that space she desires. If she wants to go through with the separation after the counseling tomorrow, should I make her leave the house and dogs? When she first talked about the separation she mentioned that I should leave since my parents live in town. I don't want a separation at all and feel she should be the one looking for other living arrangements. I'm conflicted because some books say she is in the driver's seat in regards to the relationship and I should abide by her "rules". Please help!!!
My W has done that exact same thing with reading sex novels. She reads them a lot. She had an EA and sextet him and another man. My guess is it came from our R not having physical contact (my fault, she wanted it) She has exploded sexually. Since I have opened up to her and we have been having sex maybe once a week and sexting when she is in the mood. We went from nothing to trying about everything. I think she wants to try more than just me, but she will have to so that on her own, that crosses my line. IDK if it is a fantasy or real, I try to give her what she wants and needs sexually. Now this is my sitch, your W may be doing it for other reasons. but that is where I am and what I think about my W. Read the 5 languages of love,
M46,W41 D16,D18 M22,T25 BD 11/12 W moved out 01/13 Piecing 10/13 Divorced 01/15 "Whether you worry or not has no affect on the outcome. But, moving forward, letting go, and making changes can." UrWorthy
