Had to D13 to the doctor yesterday; she has a stomach issue the doc said might be caused by anxiety. W called and asked if I could make her an appointment - she was at home with D13 at the time, 2 hours before she had to go to work?! At any rate, I did and met D22 & D13 at the pediatrician's office in the afternoon.
Sent W a text telling her what doc said, and she thanked me.
Last night W was supposed to get off work at 10pm. She works 20 minutes away from home, and got home at almost midnight. Why do I know this? Because I was asleep when she woke me up, surprised that I went to bed without her being home, and then tried to joke with me. I was cordial, but, noticeably sleepy, though I didn't ask any questions about what took her so long to get home - which I'm pretty sure she noticed.
This morning, W sends 2 text msgs before I even get to work. When I don't answer within 15 minutes I get another that says 'Are you mad at me?' Told her I wasn't, I was just driving. Then I get 6 more msgs from her in rapid fire succession about her aches and pains (she has arthritis in her hands) and being tired (home at midnight, has to be at work at 8am... ).
I asked her if her arm was swollen and she said no, but, was still painful. Told her I was sorry she was in pain and wished I could help. She said it was her own fault since she didn't take her anti-inflammatory meds. After that she said her phone was almost dead and she had to leave it in the car to charge, so I told her to have a great day.
I guess I should be glad these were congenial since the previous messages about the amount of gas left in the car were condescending and uncalled for. Because after that exchange, I'm at a point where I feel like one more accusation, one more thing that's blown way out of proportion, one more sideways glance down her nose, one more insult to my family, or one more indication of something being done isn't good enough for her and I'll become the WAS.
And I never wanted to be there.
I truly wish I had known about DBing and these great resources in 2006 - it might have save both of us a lot of hurt and aggravation. Then again, maybe not.
We would still have these two major boundaries to overcome:
1. Since she still is dead set against transparency (she thinks it gives the other person control). 2. She wants to be able to flirt with whomever she wants (she once said if I told her it bothered me she'd stop, then laughed and said no she wouldn't).
I will not bend on these so I think it is time to discuss the D process (Florida doesn't recognize a S). Though we could do a S agreement, but, it wouldn't be a court recognized S.
). 