I spoke with Laurie about writing an apology letter...my goals of the letter are to say I am sorry, not offer and explanation of my actions and to talk about H and his needs not about me. The letter is long, and I need feedback, I am not discussing the D word. I just wanted H to know I have thought about somethings and feel I am responsible. I have no expectations of the letter and would not mind if H replied or not...just something I want him to know, not in an attempt to change his mind but in giving him some love in the form of an apology.
OK. Well many have written such letters and I have not heard of one single person getting an acknowledgement of the letter, much less any kind of response. I'm not saying not to give it to him, but don't expect it to change anything and don't expect him to ever say a word to you about it, he probably won't.
In the past whenever people mentioned letters here the advice was to write it but not send it. It's a way of getting things off your chest like journaling. But the DB coaches seem to be recommending sending them now, so I would go with what your coach tells you. We're people that have been (or are) in your shoes, but the coaches are the experts.
