Life, continued (22+ months)

[adinva]

I think if I go with the family to Busch Gardens I will get my own room. I've seen many other people on here do family trips and share a bedroom. I could see myself doing it, and I share a bed with S12 and H with S15 or, actually a lot more likely, S15 would get his own rollaway.

I read that it is very confusing for kids whose parents are divorcing to see them acting like this, they get their hopes up that maybe their parents will stay together. I think I read that in The Unintended Legacy of Divorce. Even if I hadn't read that, I would think that the acting my H and I have done was hard for the kids. We acted like we got along for 18 months in which we were not actually working on the marriage at all, so H's all-nighters and the huge amount of quality time he was spending with his friend and other people than his family were very confusing. And then telling them he was moving out came out of left field and took the ground from beneath their feet.

In my opinion, in my situation, it is time for us to act like divorced people. I think it would not be appropriate for me to share a hotel room with H. I think it would be very nice to meet for a day at the amusement park all four of us.

I wonder if those of you who know my specific situation would let me know if you think this makes sense.

I have very close friends who we have always stayed with when we were in that town, so it's a first for any of us to stay in a hotel room at all. If my friends knew we were coming they would invite us to stay there, and if necessary I'm pretty sure they would even be polite and friendly to H and say of course he's welcome too. I'm pretty sure trying to get two rooms instead of the one we usually stay in there would be imposing. I think H made the right choice not even bringing them up and going ahead to get a hotel room.

Although we have known this couple since S15 was born, and we've camped and socialized and stayed with them, I feel very much that they're my friends and not so much H's. When I needed an escape after BD and a place to go to recover, sleep late, and talk over wine or coffee, it was with these friends. It would be very weird for me to be in town and not see or stay with them.

All this turmoil in my head is to figure out what I want. I like the amusement park, I love going places with my kids, I think a fun day out with H would be healthy for us, and of course at the back of my mind I also think my being there makes it easier for S15 to go somewhere "with" H.

H has not been really clear about what he wants. He called me late at night and with me sick on top of it, I only remember him saying he was buying me a park ticket and if I didn't go with us I'd probably use it anyway, and I agreed that was true. After that, he sent the three of us an email:
We have hotel in Williamsburg Wed and Thursday night. We should arrive early Wed. Our passes are good through Sept 2 so we can use them all summer.

So I don't actually know if I'm invited but it kind of sounds like it because he didn't specifically say it was him and the kids. I don't know where he thinks I'll be sleeping. I don't know how involved in this trip he wants me to be. I feel silly inviting myself along and getting in the middle of it if he was thinking he'd take the boys away for a trip. I feel absolutely sure if I ask him any of these questions he'll say "whatever you want is fine, if you want to go or stay home that's fine, if you want to stay in our room or not that's fine." If I ask him what he WANTS he'll say, "I don't care it doesn't matter." He leaves these things to me.

So I thought I'd think out what is best to me, what is best for me, and for the kids, before he tells me to do whatever it is that I prefer.