Hi GAL, we are trying to get her out in the sun, she does have SAD, the winters here can be pretty gloomy, but she had is also in sunny California during its Pacific induced glooms. We have invested in full spectrum bulbs for indoors, and a "happy light" or two, and vitamin D3 to combat it. She knows what she needs to do...
TVS...yes, hopefully spring will bloom here soon...the question is, now that I have learned the fine art of STFU, can I adjust to being a regular human again??? lol.
So W has been emailing me like crazy, one day we tried an IM client, but it was too distracting for me at work, email will just sit there until you look at it, the IM flashes and such, demanding attention...such a Pavlovian stimulus/response...no wonder we all addicted to our smart phones and computers... And the IM just triggered me too often, thoughts of OMs, so I told her I'm not ready for that method, and let's just stick to email and verbal. She was fine with that.
She keeps dropping little things in like that she is sad about her empty inbox in the morning, having withdrawal feelings, etc...indirect messaging? I told her that even if I don't respond to these things, that they are very much appreciated, the letting me know. Letting her walk her own path...
One new thing this week is that she has started talking to me, in person, after work, telling me about her day, what she is processing, whatever is going with her...this is nice...it has been a long, long time. She shared some her thoughts and feelings about the spiritual effects of what she did and how far she did it, I think that last bit was a test...my IC told me she would say things like that to see my reaction...so I passed, not a word, nor a look...lol.
When I am properly detached and have my lab coat on, it is kinda interesting to hear her say "I still don't feel things for you" or "My problem is you...no...not "you" you, but my feelings towards you" and then a few minutes later say "I have a great guy, who will do anything for me, worked hard so I could be a SAHM, loves our kids and is a great dad...why am I not happy?" or "You are the only person who hasn't gotten tired of me and my issues, my family is, other people are....you're the only one who hasn't abandoned me" ... You can almost see the thoughts and gears moving and spinning. Good thing my IC and the forum here prepared me for this. My IC said it sounds like she is wanting things back to normal, but is still afraid...
As for me, just working hard, working out hard...gotta get my bf down from 17% and drop the 10 pounds I gained (holiday and winter slacking, it sure does have a noticable effect quickly at my age..grrr)...have some house projects I can get to now that the temp is reasonable...just day to day life...and you know, I am content with it...if W and I make it, that'll be the cherry on top, the finishing touch, whatever metaphor works.
T^2
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
