I have not posted on your thread in a long time, however, I have kept up on all that you've written. I felt I was repeating the same things and it was not beneficial. But I feel some urgency to say something now. You can take it or leave, but know that I care.
I am very concerned that your W is moving back to the house for the wrong reasons. For obvious reasons, living in the home you provide will be better than her cramped apartment. She must have missed all the positives provided while living with you!
Both of you have undying love for your child. Most parents do. Your W does not cope well being a single parent. Your son is getting older and causing her stress, which causes her to rely upon you for assistance. You are aware of all of this.
Where would you & W be today if there was no child in the middle? B/c your emails, text messages, and calls usually are centered around the child. Whenever the two of you are together it is for the sake of your S. At least, he is usually there between you, right?
A R has to be about more than the kids, and you are more than willing for that to happen. You've been ready ever since the D! My concern is about her.
Crimson, if she moves back into your home without a clear & distinct understanding that it is to restore a sexual relationship, she will remain in the "friends only" zone!
When she says things like " it seems like we are forcing something" ....... It is the same old excuses. And if she moves back with the same old mindset, you will continue to stew in the same old frustrations.
You are not the same man, but she seems to be the same, nievee woman who thinks she should swoon with the "in love" emotions. That would be nice, but unfortunately, it doesn't happen like your W dreams about. She doesn't want to do the work yet. She wants to be knocked off her feet, but not enough to actually contribute to letting that happen.
Whenever a woman moves in with a man for any other reason other than intimacy, then she's wanting the comforts of his home without being in his bed.
I hope and pray that this issue will be thoroughly discussed before the move, and if she shows any sign of doubts.....I think you should consider it a red flag.
Has she committed to any MC or some type of program? I thought I remembered you presenting the idea of going to Retro'ville.
Does it still make her uncomfortable at the thought of being alone with just the two of you? Would she still freak out if you suggested going out together on a date? I believe you should ask her out.......and do it face to face......and see her reaction. If she wants to find an excuse for not calling it a date......or she insists on taking the child, then you will have your answer.
She has used her son as her shield, excuses, and bribes as if he were a tool. She may not be aware that she does it, but she certainly has from where I've seen. If you are willing to be satisfied with her doing that from now on, then I suppose that's your decision to make about your life. But don't expect her to change once she moves back home, when this has worked so well for her.
Staying together for the sake of a child can be quite a sacrifice. Living without physical and emotional love is a very slow death. Your son will be grown and leaving home.....then what will be left between you & W? If you believe that it will be the R you've longed for, then go for it. But for any other reason, even the love of your child.....I don't think I could honestly tell anyone to ger remarried. And you know....as much as children want their parents together, they really want more than that. They want the parents to be in love. Imagine!
Well, I know you love her with all your heart. I just hope she doesn't break your heart all over again. You will decide if you can take the risk, and how it will affect your son the second time around.
I still pray for you and hope you all the happiness you deserve.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
