Okay...as you can tell by the title...starting to get angry...
I want to stay very far away from H...but can't because of the children.
My son has a concert tonight, it is H's night. So he will have the responsibility of getting him there. Because I would be arriving later, I had already had it set in my mind that I would just find a seat and not near him or my other son...well, leave it to my MLC'er to say "let's talk about s14 birthday tonight at the concert"
Urghhh. What the $&@$! I am really starting to hate this guy, I don't want to be seated anywhere near him...I know childish.
So just venting out some of my anger before tonight...(screaming my head off right now).
BombOctober 2012- OW 11/28/12 -H still denies Separated 11/29/12 Own place 12/12/12 Confessed OW/EA/PA 2/2/13 Oct 2013 - I knew I was done Jan 2014 - Anticipating the rest of my life
If you don't want to sit by him, then don't. You can always tell him that you will be happy to discuss son's birthday party another time. You don't want to be discussing things like this in a crowded place where others can hear what you are saying, especially if one of you gets a bit heated about something. Leave the party on the table, go and enjoy the concert this evening and keep the focus on your son and his concert.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Urghhh. What the $&@$! I am really starting to hate this guy, I don't want to be seated anywhere near him...I know childish.
No, not childish, realistic! You should hate him right now its an emotion, you'll get past it, but I think we need to let it ride, your angry, be angry, then heal.
That's why we're the ones in the better position, thinking healthy minds! I want to never see my H again, my kids are grown, he's still here! It's up to us, but what "it" is, I don't really have a clear picture yet!
We should all scream from a roof top and then move on!!!
The past can't be ahead of you in the future. You don't have to figure it all out, just pick a direction. What's next...I don't know but I can't wait!
The anger is normal and necessary, feel it, and then feel through it...then let it go. Don't let it consume you, or cloud your judgement...express your anger safely and privately...keep your goal and big picture in mind.
You'll be glad you did, for you.
T^2
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
Okay, going to bed, but still feel angry, but trying to harness it in. Trying to work through it and let it turn into positive motivation.
Sat with H at sons concert, but didn't speak with him. I am not in the mood to be on speaking terms...he noticed and texted me asking me if I was okay. I said yes, why, and he said, because you seem upset, just checking, you weren't very talkative when I was talking to you. I didn't respond back, and all I could think was "wah, ya big cry baby". What could I possibly be upset about?
Anyhow, my sons concert was awesome, he plays violin, so it was a pops concert. 14 years old and so talented....I don't think I had that much talent when I was younger, or maybe I did and didn't utilize it, haha.
Feeling very tired, guess the anger is getting the best of me, off to bed.
BombOctober 2012- OW 11/28/12 -H still denies Separated 11/29/12 Own place 12/12/12 Confessed OW/EA/PA 2/2/13 Oct 2013 - I knew I was done Jan 2014 - Anticipating the rest of my life
Put your anger to good use this weekend. Do you have some some projects around the home that you've been putting off? Well, that anger will push you through those projects and I can promise you, when the project is done, the anger will be released and what you completed will look great!
I'm glad your son's concert went well. You have so much to be proud of when it comes to your children. Cherish the time you spend w/them because they grow up very quickly.
Today is a new day, so what's on your agenda for today and this weekend?
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thanks Snodderly - That is what I am trying to do...channel the anger into something positive...still feel it this morning, and it seems I am at the end of my rope with this whole sitch.
I do have much to be proud of and was glad I allowed myself to enjoy the time with my youngest son while watching my oldest son play. I love my kids.
On the agenda this weekend is to hang out with a friend tonight. He is concerned I am so angry, so we are going out for drinks tonight. Tomorrow my son has a soccer game, I plan on getting the taxes done, and I have a phone call scheduled with my estranged father. Sunday, is my sons birthday and H did invite me over to his place so we can give my son his gift and have cake. Other than that no night time plans yet, but I still need to fulfill all those household duties like groceries, laundry, and cleaning and such, so I should be fairly busy.
I think this anger was long overdue and has been building up. I am not sure how long it will take to release. I know it is my emotions right now, and I am focused on not making any life altering decisions at this time although my gut is telling me I should. And yes, I am talking about divorce. I guess in my mind, we live like we are divorced, so why not follow through. It is unfinished business where I am concerned, and I feel if I can get it off my plate I would be much better for it. But I know it is not good to make this decision right now, so on the back burner it goes.
BombOctober 2012- OW 11/28/12 -H still denies Separated 11/29/12 Own place 12/12/12 Confessed OW/EA/PA 2/2/13 Oct 2013 - I knew I was done Jan 2014 - Anticipating the rest of my life
LEO Mar, 22, 2013 You may be tempted to rush in and tackle some problem that has been bothering you. Because this matter has lingered on your mind, nagging you even in your more peaceful moments, you probably figure it's best to do something - anything - just to feel like you're taking charge. But it might be best to wait it out, Leo. The cosmos is sending help your way. It may not come as quickly as you would like, but it is coming. You will know that help has arrived because your burden will suddenly become lighter.
BombOctober 2012- OW 11/28/12 -H still denies Separated 11/29/12 Own place 12/12/12 Confessed OW/EA/PA 2/2/13 Oct 2013 - I knew I was done Jan 2014 - Anticipating the rest of my life
So, I am still angry, but for some reason it is having a very good affect on detaching. Bonus, I think.
Despite my best efforts, H has noticed that something is wrong...again I think to myself no sh!t. But oh well, I just keep my mouth shut and barely say anything, only one, two word answers.
And not that it matters as I know he is in replay, but it seems that he is trying to get himself in my good graces...telling me that I look nice, doing things for the kids that will "help me out", and still asking me how my day is and such. Can I say all I feel is ... Go away and leave me alone...ugh!
Today he called my cell over something stupid that could have been asked via text. I originally let it go to voicemail and didn't answer, and then, here I am the nervous one, because he left a voicemail saying "I want to talk to you about something" and then it was something stupid. I did my best to compose myself.
And then when he picked up the kids, I told my boys to have a great weekend, and that i would miss them both, and he said "well, you can pop in on us anytime you would like, you know where we will be". My response, nothing. I really don't want to be around him any more than I have to.
Unfortunately because of the kids I will have to be around him at least twice over the weekend...soccer game, and my sons birthday, hopefully I can do better with my emotions...who knew I would feel this way. My anger isn't really over H, more than what he has done to my life. Am I getting my bearings, sure, will I be okay, sure, but I am no where I expected to be at this point in my life.
Tonight I plan to watch a movie and hit the sack early. I think this anger is leaving me emotionally exhausted....
Thanks for listening and letting me vent...I feel a slight release being able to let some of it go here...
BombOctober 2012- OW 11/28/12 -H still denies Separated 11/29/12 Own place 12/12/12 Confessed OW/EA/PA 2/2/13 Oct 2013 - I knew I was done Jan 2014 - Anticipating the rest of my life
I think this anger was long overdue and has been building up. I am not sure how long it will take to release. I know it is my emotions right now, and I am focused on not making any life altering decisions at this time although my gut is telling me I should. And yes, I am talking about divorce. I guess in my mind, we live like we are divorced, so why not follow through. It is unfinished business where I am concerned, and I feel if I can get it off my plate I would be much better for it. But I know it is not good to make this decision right now, so on the back burner it goes.
To say that this is most intelligent is severely understating things. You are absolutely correct - now is not the time to make decisions. Now is the time to feel AND work through your anger. The anger is expected. It's part of it. Working through it is the hard part, but know that if you do not, you will keep that anger regardless of what happens with you and H. You need to work through it for your sake and your sake alone.
How long is healthy? Until you have it completed. Don't let anyone tell you differently, but listen to what they say anyway. Your friends will keep you honest, even if you don't want to hear it.
It's been my experience that when you think you're done, wait. If you really are done, you won't question if you are or not. You won't need to tell people when you are truly done with the anger etc. You won't need to explain yourself. You won't need to tell people how happy you are. They'll know and so will you
It's OK to be angry. It's not OK to leave it like that for very long. To get through it, you need to work on it. For me, it meant unraveling the rubber-band ball. I picked on item, and dealt with it until it was done and I was satisfied it was done never to be brought up again. Sometimes that happened fast (little things) and sometimes it took longer (weeks/months/still working on a some odds and ends). One at a time, I peeled it off the ball, dealt with it, and let the rest ride so I could focus on just that one. At some point, the tables re-balanced. Like sand in an hour glass that I was moving one grain of sand at a time with. It was tedious and hard work. I often prayed for my ex and her new husband. I still do. I believe it's why I can honestly wish them both the best. I talked to friends and I listened to them and their stories and how they handled their situations.
It takes time. I hope illustrating at least one method is helpful, but you will need to figure out what works for you. What works for cleaning out the "garbage" in your own being. If you don't, it builds up and you will become bitter instead of better. Or as is often said, deal with your anger or it will deal with you
Peace, AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
