My wife is having affair with a mutual friend

[tryingtilDorR]

One other thought is what does the OM stand to lose if the affair was known? Does he have a wife/family? I have read many stories of where contacting the OM's spouse was the deal-killer and OM quit the affair. The goal of that would be to get the affair to stop sot hat you could have a chance to save the marriage.

If you chose to confront your wife:
"Honey I have proof that you have been having an affair with OM and I want us to deal with the truth so that we can save our marriage. I will not share my wife with another man."

Depending upon how the conversation goes, you could say "Also, if you don't agree to stop the affair I will be talking to OM and his spouse about it as wel...."

Again, not sure if it applies well to your situation, but if you decide you want the affair to stop ASAP so you can start rebuilding your M then this is something to consider.

I feel for you. I was there and it is not a fun place to be! I lived in limbo for 18 months, knowing the affair was going on, waiting for W to decide to turn away from it. At the same time, I was firm with her that all contact needed to stop and that I wouldnt accept being married to someone in an affair, but she never agreed to it. I couldn't bring myself to file for D because I loved her still and we had 4 children, so I just waited it out until she moved out into her own place, then I filed. That's my story in a paragraph.