Just journaling--stuck my foot in it again. Was feeling very doormatish yesterday. W asked if I wanted to go to the Rec center and do some swimming and hit the hottub for a while. I have been feeling like I am operating at her beck-and-call lately, and didn't say yes or no immediately. About 10 minutes later the game I was watching at the time was over and I mentioned the hottub and was immediately told that I had missed my chance. She was angry, went and sat in a hot bath for a while then headed for her bed without saying anything further. This morning she exploded at me about being "controling". And --- I lost my cool and made a comment about how could I be controling while I felt like a doormat. Just can't seem to get the right combination while still feeling ok about myself.
