My wife is having affair with a mutual friend

[tryingtilDorR]

I have some counter advice. I think it is good that you got proof of what was going on. I did something similar, but I was less sure that the W was in an affair so it gave me proof and allowed me to cut through the lies to really face what I was actually dealing with. In your case, that is the purpose it as served - it allows you to know exactly what you are up against so that you can't avoid the truth.

Now the big question is what to do with the information. I made the mistake of immediately confronting my W and the conversation started just like the one you had 'do you have proof?'

She needs to cut off ALL contact with OM if your M has any chance of surviving, no matter how much you GAL, etc. Her R with OM is like a drug addiction at this point. However, getting her to make that choice is where the DB techniques come in. If you detatch and follow the advice you will potentially help influence her choice to stop seeing OM and working on M.

However, I don't think this will happen unless the truth is on the table and discussed openly. That is the approach I took, but my W was more of a WAW than yours is. We were not affectionate at ALL ( no hugs kisses or kindness) when she was with OM.

I know her behavior is giving you hope. Use that hope to stay strong, but I don't think you will make progress unless you two can openly discuss the affair. If she keeps lying you may need to tell her you have proof without stating what it is.

I know my WAW was FURIOUS when I tape recorded her to get proof. I immideately told her and the OM. I am divorced now, so maybe it wasnt the best tactic, but I felt like it was the only hope since it was the only way for her to face truth and to see if there was any chance of working on it. If the truth is buried, it won't get dealt with, and cutting off ALL communication with OM is what is required here, along with your DB changes.