I apologise for not reading your history before weighing in. I think the desire to hold together a marriage for the children and ourselves is a strong driver for many of us here.
One of the things I particularly liked about the website I referred to was that it cautioned against putting a label on the behaviour because the emphasis is in changing ourselves, and whether or not you ultimately decide that this was you, you are clearly in charge of the situation and are making changes in yourself for which I salute you!
I think you are a very strong woman with a talent for making difficult situations work for you.
