I struggle with this. One of the biggest things that I didnt give my wife during our marriage was emotional love, support, encouragement and physical attention. Right now W seems to enjoy my attention and words, physical attention when she is in the mood. I honestly feel it is building something positive. That said it makes it near impossible for me to detach and very hard not to over do it. So for me it is a fine line. I also feel that if I stop giving her attention in these ways it would be like going back to how I was before, does this make any sense?
Yes it does make sense. I like to think of it as a dance, and I'm letting her lead. When she is receptive, I engage. If she is not, I give her space. I want to be in the picture and allow her to experience the new me, but I don’t want to pursue, or push her away. It’s a fine line indeed.
It helps to remember that no one encounter is going to make or break the marriage, so relax a bit and don’t be too hard on yourself for any setbacks. (or get too excited about any victories!) Be the rock.
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Oh btw I am fighting the statement about physical separation and letting that get me down, my heart sunk when I read it.
There's always hope. Marriages survive separation every day. Don't let this or anything else allow you to give up or stray off course.
My first coach (non-DB) had a saying that stuck with me. Consult your plan, not your feelings. We all feel like crap about our sitch at times. But we can’t allow those feelings (which are temporary) to affect our steadfastness at sticking to our plan.
Our W’s are watching us. Be the H you know she would never leave, and be proud of yourself for that.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
